In It For Life
by MsWhiteChristmas
Summary: Bella is a orphan that has been through some tough times. When Carlisle adopts her will things change and a romance bloom? Or will an old enemy get in the way? BxC M for rape and possibly lemons later!
1. Carlisle

**A.N. Sadly I do not own Twilight... :'(**

"Isabella! Get down here! Now!" I heard Victoria call resentfully from the meeting room down the hall. She never did take a liking to me though I have absolutely no idea why, I'm always nice to her.

"Coming!" I called as I exited the closet my room is. I tried to walk quickly down to the meeting room but my ribs still extremely hurt from when Edward, a horrible full-of-himself idiot at school, kicked me so hard he broke four ribs. Thus making it a difficulty to breath, also... I can't bend over, it hurts too much. So I can't change or take a shower, I must smell filthy! But this is not the time to worry about that, I just hope this guy can't smell very good. I caught my breath and then timidly opened the door.

"Took you long enough! Get in here!" Victoria said angrily and I quickly entered. "Carlisle, Isabella. Isabella, Carlisle." she said sounding extremely bored then turned to Carlisle ignoring me as if I weren't even here, but I'm used to it. "Are you sure you want to adopt her? We have some much more sexier girls here to pick from." she said with a evil sneer and Carlisle had a look of surprise.

"I... have no idea what you are talking about." he stuttered still shocked.

Victoria rolled her eyes impatiently and flipped her flaming red hair with a dramatic twist of her head. She looked just like a teenager with a serious attitude. "Whateva, ya want the little slut or what?" she snapped shooting me daggers which I shamefully looked away from.

"Don't call her a slut and yes, I would like to adopt _Isabella_." he seemed really angry at either the fact that she called me a slut or that he had to adopt me, I couldn't tell.

I could see through his surprise though. I knew very well the reason why he wanted me. It was just for that check that came with me, and for a servant. I was older now and I knew what _this _man was looking for... a sex slave. I shuddered just thinking about it... the pain I would have to suffer through. Yes, I had already experienced some forms of sexual acts but I was still a virgin. I had to put their thing in my mouth and once one of them had taken me from behind. It hurt like hell.

_Flashback_

"_I'm sorry James!" I whimpered as he stripped mine and his pants. I had fallen asleep before making his dinner and he was fuming mad now... fuming mad and drunk._

_He ignored my pleas and continued on. "Now, I want to hear you scream." he whispered drunkenly into my ear._

_And scream I did. When he entered me from behind I screamed bloody murder. I just wanted to die. He was _huge_!_

_I passed out soon after his entrance._

_End of Flashback_

I was silently hyperventilating from the memory as Carlisle waited for Victoria's response.

Victoria looked surprised momentarily but then lost it to be replaced with her usual bored/bitchy look. "Whateva, take the little bitch. Just a warning, she is very disobedient. If you don't slap her around she'll never respect ya." she said with a malicious wink as she turned to glare at me. "You better obey Mr. Masen..." Victoria said seemingly sweet but then her voice turn malignant as she continued, "You hear me?" she yelled slapping me so hard I fell to the floor, hitting my head against the door with a thud.

"Y-y-yes mam," I whispered not meeting her eyes as she laughed evilly.

"What the hell did you just hit her for?" I was beyond frightened when Carlisle's enraged voice filled the small room. "I think she got the warning in the first place!" he was still obviously angry, for a reason unknown to me, but he was trying to regulate his voice.

I cowered against the wall looking up at him with wide eyes as he stared at a pissed off Victoria.

"Why don't you just take the little whore and get the hell out of here!" she yelled at him getting into his face as best as she could with her short height.

Carlisle took a deep breath. "OK then," he said curtly as he turned to me. He bent down and my breath caught in my throat. He extended his hand and I took it after a moments hesitation. The sensation in his touch was so weird, it felt good... it made me feel all warm and gooey inside... weird. I pushed the feeling to the back of my mind as he pulled me up and I realized how truly beautiful he is.

His golden blond hair was gelled to look slightly messy yet very professional at the same time, his body is lean, tall, and yet very muscular, his deep sea green eyes were so alluring I got lost in their depths and he looked right back. I immediately looked away blushing, completely embarrassed that I even thought he was hot. He was probably happily married with kids. Even if he's not married he would never want an ugly broken whore like me.

"Let's go get your stuff and leave," he whispered into my ear and I jumped as his hot breath ran down my neck.

I nodded and walked out of the office with Carlisle behind me, leaving a fuming Victoria behind us. We walked back to my room in a comfortable silence. He seemed nice but I knew once we were alone it would begin.

I have very few possessions so I could easily fit everything into a small backpack. I packed what few clothes I have, a picture of my mom, Renee, and dad, Charlie, with me in front of them, and my bathroom things. I could feel Carlisle's eyes on my back as I got together my few belongings, it felt odd.

I dropped one of my shirts and I felt a sharp stab of pain as I tried bending over to get it. "Shit," I mumbled as I held my ribs, trying to breath in and out.

"Are you OK?" I jumped when Carlisle's voice was right beside me. I had almost completely forgot about him.

"Uh, yes, sir. I-I just pulled something the other day and it's kind of painful bending over." I stuttered timidly, looking down at my feet.

"Oh, I'll get your shirt for you." he said kindly and a little disbelievingly as he bent down and picked up the shirt.

I was shocked by how sweet he is, so I kind of stared, open-mouthed, at him for a moment before realizing he was handing me my shirt. I shook my head and took the shirt from him.

"Thanks," I whispered as my cheeks grew red stuffing the last shirt in my backpack. "OK, I'm done." I said timidly and followed Carlisle out.

Victoria was waiting by the front door with a fake smile on her face. "Thank you," she said bitterly, handing Carlisle some papers and shooting me daggers which I shied away from and hurriedly left behind Carlisle.

We got into a expensive-looking black Mercedes with tinted windows. I winced slightly when I got into the car but I tried hiding it. Carlisle still had a look of concern on his face which I didn't expect. Why did he seem so concerned about me? It was just... weird and was quite frankly scaring the hell out of me.

He got in the car and started the engine while I watched him warily. I turned away from him once we were on the road. I watched the trees pass by in a blur and the occasional gas station or restaurant. The sight of the food places reminded me of how hungry I really was and, to my embarrassment, my stomach growled rather loud.

He chuckled and my cheeks grew hot. "I'm sorry," I whispered looking at him to make sure he wasn't mad.

He looked back at me thoughtfully. "Why are you apologizing for being hungry?" he questioned curiously and I just shrugged, I was used to apologizing a lot. "Hm... well, where would you like to eat?" he asked looking side to side at the restaurants we were passing.

"Y-you don't h-have to get me anything, I'm not really t-that hungry." I whispered, not wanting to burden him and make this more painful for me though I was very hungry.

"Nonsense," he scoffed looking over at me with a worried look before he added, "How about... McDonald's?"

"OK," I whispered and he turned into the McDonald's parking lot. He got out and beat me to opening my door. I blushed. "Thank you."

"Your welcome." he said sweetly.

That was when I realized I wasn't able to get up. I attempted getting up but I just fell back to the seat clutching my ribs. Stupid damn rib-breaking-poor-excuse-for-a-human-Edward-Cullen. I looked up at Carlisle who was looking down at me with concern. He must have seen that I couldn't get up and held out his hand. After a moment I took it and he helped me out. Of course, being the klutz I am, I wobbled on my feet and fell right into him. My breath caught in my throat as I clung to his shirt so I wouldn't fall. He stumbled back a little but held me up by my elbows. He must have been uncomfortable by how close our bodies were so I let go of his shirt.

"I'm sorry," I murmured looking down at my shoes ashamed of myself. He pulled my chin up and I was once again caught in his eyes.

"You don't have to continue apologizing for things out of your control." he murmured seemingly soothingly but I didn't know if I could trust him still. Tears formed in my eyes because, even though I had told myself not to trust him, my heart swelled because I thought this man really cared about me.

I searched his eyes. All I could find was love and concern. Maybe this will be the turning point. "OK," I whispered backing up one step from him, I was still kind of uncomfortable being so close to a man. I was beyond shocked when I felt the small smile appear on my face and he smiled back.

"OK, let's go." he said putting his hand reassuringly on the small of my back as we walked forward. I wasn't scared by the gesture, I actually kind of liked it... which is bad.

I sat down at a table while he got something for us. I looked at the play area where the little kids were playing and remembered back to when I was that carefree with loving parents. Tears clouded my eyesight and I wiped it away when a male figure was walking towards me.

"Hello, Car-" I stopped when I recognized this man from somewhere else. "Edward?" my voice shook.

**(A.N.)**

**Yes Edward is one of the bad guys in my story because Bella is going to be with Carlisle. So, if you like Edward then... you'll just have to deal with him being the bad guy if you like my story! }:) MWAHAHA! And no I don't hate Edward, I love him and wish he was real (read 'he is real') I just wanted something completely different from Stephenie Meyer (or as different as I ****could get). So, whether you love me or hate me, press that little green button that says 'Review this story/chapter' and review, alert, or favorite! ANYTHING YOU DO I WILL LOVE YOU FOR IT!**

**Love,**

**Ms. White Christmas**


	2. Is It Love?

**A.N. HI HI EVERYONE!!! Thanks to everyone who reviewed, alerted, and favorited this story! I LOVE YOU ALL!!! Ha ha! OK, sorry this one took so long but my flash drive freaked out and my file went corrupt! So I had to start ALL over and well... enough rambling! ON WITH THE STORY! P.S. There is a little lemony-like thing near the end so... if you don't like my nasty mind I suggest you don't read it! (But there is some pretty nice fluff between Bella and Carlisle so I suggest reading it! I worked really hard on it and I think it's some pretty good fluff!) OK!**

"_Hello, Car-" I stopped when I recognized this man from somewhere else. "Edward?" my voice shook._

"Hello, Bella." he said smoothly as if we were best friends. He gave me a menacing smile and laughed a evil laugh that sent shivers down my spine. He came closer, his eyes had an evil glint to them. "So good to see you..." he muttered as he rubbed my cheek with the back of his hand.

I squirmed beneath his touch and shut my eyes tight. Wishing with all my might that Carlisle would come. Then there was this searing pain in my side. I nearly yelled out but a hand clamping down on my mouth stopped me.

"Sh..." he whispered menacingly, pressing harder. I squeezed my eyes tighter as a few tears escaped.

"Get your hands off her," someone growled from behind Edward.

My eyes flew open, my sigh of relief was muffled slightly by Edward's hand, still clamped on my mouth, as I saw Carlisle's beautiful angel's face. He looked like a Greek god!

"Make me." Edward sneered over his shoulder as he squeezed harder, I thought I felt another rib brake. Once it broke, he released me and turned around, eyed Carlisle for a second and, with a chuckle, walked out like he owned the place.

I closed my eyes in agony as I clutched my abdomen. I couldn't feel my lungs, I was finding it very difficult to breath in and out.

"Isabella? Open your eyes." Carlisle whispered and I felt a small pressure on my ribs.

Is Carlisle going to finish what Edward started? A small whimper escaped my lips and my eyes flew open.

"Sh..." he whispered soothingly. I saw he had my shirt hiked up a bit and he was just examining the rather large, purple-bluish bruises that were forming below the skin.

"Yo, Perv! Get a room!" some idiot, with a name tag that said his name to be Jacob Black **(sorry to the Jacob lovers but I don't love him so I had to make him a bad guy as well!)**, yelled from across the restaurant and, for some odd reason, it really ticked me off. I ignored the screaming protest of my ribs and went with my sudden adrenaline rush. I stomped right up to this Black person and he looked down at me in mock astonishment.

"How can you call him that? You don't even know how sweet and caring he is!" I yelled not really thinking about what I was saying before it came out of my mouth.

"Oh, my bad! I didn't know Mr. Perv had his own little play toy." he said in a fake apologizing tone.

My sudden adrenaline rush wore off when he said that and I back up, looking him up and down. He was _huge_! Towering above me with menacing black eyes. I kept backing up, shaking horribly, as he sat back down, laughing, until I jumped when I ran into a brick wall of human.

I turned around to see that it was Carlisle. I looked down at my feet, horrified at what he might do to me for embarrassing him like that. "I'm sorry," I whispered sorrowfully.

"There's nothing to be sorry for, that was very brave Isabella." he said gently.

I couldn't believe he was staying so calm. Oh right, we're in a public place, he probably wants to get home so he can punish me.

"How about we get something to eat at my house, it's not that far from here." he said, still calm and all I could do was nod.

His feet left my vision as he walked to the door and I followed him, a few tears escaped my eyes as I tried preparing myself for what was coming. The pain, emotional and physical. This would be worse though, I knew it. Not the physical, I could deal with that, this was all about the emotional pain. If I really loved him, this would hurt me emotionally way worse than physically. And I do truly believe that I love him. Even though I've hardly known him a few hours, I felt like I've known him my whole life... 'love at first sight', I guess is what you'd call it.

He opened my door and I slide in, looking out the window when he closed the door. My mind wandered to unimportant thoughts, trying to keep my mind off reality, as he started the car and began driving. The soothing purr of the car was almost like a lullaby and I was soon lulled into a horrid, nightmare filled sleep.

"_ISABELLA!!!"_

_James, oh no! I fell asleep! And I left the fish on the stove! God, help me, please!_

_I jumped off the couch and ran into the kitchen to find a fuming, bloody, red-eyed James standing with a pan of something so burnt it was unidentifiable, but I have a pretty good guess._

"_I-I'm sorry James, I fell a-asleep." I whimpered in an attempt to avoid his beating._

"_Aw, poor Isabella. Fell asleep and burnt my dinner... why the _hell_ should I care?!" he started out sounding sweet and forgiving but his voice grew darker. "Come here." he commanded softly and I did as he said. He grabbed me by my hair and I bit my lip to hold in the scream. He pulled me up and pressed the side of my face onto the steaming hot stove. I couldn't hold in the cry of pain and it got louder as he pressed down harder._

"_Isabella!" I heard _his_ angel voice from somewhere far away._

"_No, James, stop! Carlisle! Help!" I screeched as James pressed my head down harder._

"I'm here, you're dreaming. Wake up Isabella." Carlisle murmured urgently and the image began to fade from view. I woke to a tall white ceiling and to see Carlisle's anxious face hovering over me. I flinched away from him. We were alone now, let it begin. "What was your dream about?" he asked softly and his eyes were pleading. Pleading for what?

"J-just a random n-nightmare." I stuttered to avoid the subject of my past. A subject I don't tread lightly on. My hand unconsciously went to my face where the burn still was, but it was covered up with make up at the moment. I was sort of surprised my crying hadn't washed it away, until I heard him gasped. "I tripped a-and fell on the s-stove." I stuttered as he stared in horror at my face where I was sure he saw a rather large, irritated burn mark.

He sighed. "Are you sure?" he asked disbelievingly.

"I-I don't want t-to talk about it." I whispered as I looked down at my hands.

"OK, do you want to take a shower? The bathroom is just around the corner." he asked gently and I nodded.

He stood and held out his hand. I took it after a moment of hesitation and he helped me up from the couch I had been laying on.

"It's just down that hallway." he murmured pointing in the correct direction.

I nodded and walked slowly in that direction. I made it to the first door around the corner and I opened it to reveal a shiny white bathroom. It had a tub/shower, a sink, counters and a toilet. On one of the counters sat my bag. I looked at my face in the mirror. I looked horrible! The burn was plain as day on my right cheek, red encircled my eyes from crying and skin bagged under my eyes due to lack of sleep.

I looked away from my horrid face and attempted to pull my shirt over my head. Just then, I was reminded of my broken ribs with a searing pain. _Oh, god help me. _I thought as I attempted, again, to get my shirt off. No use, I just crumpled to the floor in pain. My head banged painfully against the wall, making a rather large noise. Tears formed in my eyes as I heard footsteps running to the door.

"Isabella? What happened?" I heard Carlisle's frantic voice just outside the door. When I didn't answer he knocked on the door. "Can I come in?" he asked politely attempting to not sound as frantic, but failed.

"Yes," I said, barely loud enough for my voice to carry to the other side of the thick door, knowing he would come in anyways. The door opened and Carlisle rushed over to me. "What happened? Are you OK?" he asked worriedly as he crouched down beside me.

I contemplated asking him for his help for what seemed like an eternity. "I'm going to sound like a total slut when I say this but... I can't get my clothes off because of my broken ribs and I was wondering if you could help me." I said pretty quickly and shamefully as I fiddled with my fingers.

**CPOV**

My pacing ceased when I heard a rather large bang from within the bathroom. I ran over to it as worst-case scenarios ran wildly through my head.

"Isabella? What happened?" I asked frantically as I came to the door. Did she fall? Could she be knocked out? I got even more frantic when she didn't reply. I knocked on the door, trying to stay polite if she was OK and just not answering me. "Can I come in?" I asked trying to sound less frantic.

"Yes," I hardly heard her croak, I was just so relieved to hear her voice. She sounded like she had been crying though. I opened the door and hurried over to her. "What happened? Are you OK?" I asked worriedly as I crouched next to her.

She paused for a while, thinking about something really hard. "I'm going to sound like a total slut when I say this but... I can't get my clothes off because of my broken ribs and I was wondering if you could help me." she said very quickly as she fiddled nervously with her fingers.

I was frozen in shock that she had called herself a slut. What the hell? If she was in pain and needed help that was most definitely _not_ being a slut. She began to fidget nervously when the silence stretched on, but I couldn't even form coherent thoughts, much less words.

"I-I'm sorry!" she exclaimed and gently pushed me back so I was in a sitting position. I had no idea what the hell she was doing till she got on her knees and, with a hurried, shaking hand, unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans. She pulled them down and my underwear with it.

When my brain finally reconnected with my body it was already too late. "Isa-" I tried but I was cut off by her hand rubbing me up. I threw my head back and moaned as she took me in her mouth. I knew I had to stop this, it was wrong for me to let it go on. She thought I was mad and this was what she thought an apology was. That's just sick, whomever taught her to apologize like this. "Isa-" I had to gasp for air as she began to suck. "Isabella, no, stop." I whimpered as I tried to hold in my release. When she didn't I looked down at her and my heart broke into a thousand pieces. She had tears in her eyes and she was clutching her rib cage as she continued bobbing her head up and down. I gently placed my hand on her cheek to try and get her to stop but I guess she took that as a 'keep going' instead. Her head bobbed faster and she sucked harder. I guessed she wouldn't stop till I cam so I let my release go and she swallowed every bit. I felt so horrid I had let that happen as she sat back up, staring at the ground sobbing. She still clutched her rib cage and my heart broke even further. I reached out to gently touch her face and she flinched away from my hand.

"Pl-please don't hit m-me, I'll d-do anything." she sobbed and began unbuttoning her shirt.

I grabbed her wrists and put them down by her sides. I can't believe she thought I would hit her! "Isabella, sh. It's OK." I whispered as I waited for her to cry it out. After a few seconds she was just sniffling and I released her hands to pull up my pants. I stood up and she fell onto her back with a whimper. She squeezed her eyes shut and averted her face from me. "Isabella, I'm not going to hurt you, open your eyes and stand up." I said gently and outstretched my hand to take her's. She looked at it in fear for a second but eventually took it and allowed me to pull her up. My already shattered heart broke further as I saw some of _my cum_ on the side of her mouth. I could feel the tears pricking in my eyes as she looked right up at me, her sweet chocolate brown eyes filled with pain. "Did this James make you do that?" I asked quietly and she nodded. "I'm sorry." my voice broke as a few tears escaped my eyes.

She looked at me with confused and worried eyes. She hesitantly wiped a tear away and her hand lingered on my cheek. I slowly and deliberately took her hand in mine as to not scare her, and held it to my face. To show her I wasn't mad at her. She took her other hand and wiped away the remaining tears.

"You don't have to do that with me," I whispered reassuringly and she actually smiled. It was a small smile but it was most certainly breathtaking. I took in a deep ragged breath before I began to speak. "I'm going to have a hard time getting _that_ off my mind." I said trying to break the serious tension in the air. It worked, she giggled and blushed a deep crimson. She was _beautiful_.

**(A.N.)**

**I hope you love it!!! Please review, alert, or favorite!!! I WILL LOVE YOU IF YOU DO! :D So, go ahead and, whether you love me or hate me, press that little green button that says 'Review this story/chapter' and review my story/chapter!!! XD LOLZ!**

**I liked adding the fluff into here! I started crying when Carlisle said his heart broke... so I think it was rather good! But it's all up to you all whether it truly was good!**

**Love,**

**Ms. White Christmas**


	3. Confusion

**A.N. Hi everyone! Thank you so much for reading, reviewing, alerting, and favoriting my story!!! It makes me so happy that you like reading my material! :'')**

**I have some very important news so please read the author's note at the bottom! And with that said, on with the chapter!**

**If thy doesn't own, thou can't sue.**

"_You don't have to do that with me," I whispered reassuringly and she actually smiled. It was a small smile but it was most certainly breathtaking. I took in a deep ragged breath before I began to speak. "I'm going to have a hard time getting that off my mind." I said trying to break the serious tension in the air. It worked, she giggled and blushed a deep crimson. She was beautiful._

**BPOV**

Oh my god! He was so sweet and I can't believe I had just done that to him! Ugh, this was not turning out OK. I was just glad he was trying to make a joke out of it, but something in his expression caught my attention. It made me think there might actually be a little truth in what he was saying... and pigs can fly. My spirits fell slightly when I realized further how large of an impossibility it was for him to actually love me. That further realization had my heart breaking ever-so-slightly.

I had to get my mind off this before I broke down again. That was when my eyes wandered to the shower and I remembered just how badly I wanted to take one. Will he still be willing to help me?

"Um, so, can you h-help me?" I asked timidly, hoping he would remember and not make me say it again.

"Of course, Isabella." he assured, seemingly startled like his mind had gone elsewhere in the few seconds I had been silent. "If you still want me to, that is. I do have a niece that lives not to far from here, I could ask her to come over." he offered and I relaxed so much more.

"OK," I whispered and he pulled out a small silver phone, flipped it open and dialed a number. I leaned warily against the wall as Carlisle conversed with his niece. Her name appeared to be Alice. He told about me but not in great detail which I was thankful. At least he didn't tell her about our... _incident._

"Thank you baby, love you." he said with relief. I felt a small pang of want as he said those two little words. I wanted to be on the receiving side when he said them but I knew that was an impossibility. Then he flipped the phone shut and turned to me. "Alice seems quite excited to meet you." he told me and I was glad to hear it. "Just a warning, she can be a bit overwhelming at first but she grows on you." he added with love filled in his voice.

"You seem to r-really love her." I assumed quietly as I gazed down at my feet.

"Like my own daughter. My sister and I are quite close." he agreed fondly.

I smiled slightly. "That's really sweet." I choked out as the overwhelming emotion I was feeling caught in my throat, wishing I had that kind of family bond. Wishing there was someone to love me.

He chuckled a bit. "Alice said she's going to be the best sister you can ever imagine."

Wow, she really wanted to be my sister? I couldn't believe that. "She doesn't have to be," I mumbled but my heart swelled to hear that she was really willing to take me in. "I wouldn't want her to do something she didn't want to." I choked out, trying to force back the tears.

He pulled me into a comforting hug and gently rubbed my back. "But she does." he murmured against my hair and I hesitantly wound my arms around his waist. I was startled to hear a really sexy moan escape his lips until I shamefully realized I was hugging his ass. I quickly dropped my arms to my side and tried to maneuvered out of his grasp but he held me to him.

Hesitantly, I reached back and grabbed his beautifully, firm ass. He moaned again and the sound had my breath speeding into overdrive, which had my ribs aching. I winced and he pulled away immediately.

"I'm so sorry Isabella, that was uncalled for." he stuttered, a bit breathless, shamefaced as he turned beat red.

I looked down and saw that his number was straining against his jeans. It reminded me of all those other horrid men that had used me, but I had to remind myself, this was Carlisle. The man I quite possibly love. And to say I didn't enjoy, in some part of my mind, sucking him off, would be a lie. I licked my lips unconsciously as some R rated thoughts ran through my mind. Dear lord I had to stop this before I could get my heart broken further. I couldn't help the small giggle that escaped my lips as he attempted to cross his legs to hide his very prominent erection.

I looked back up at his face to see he had turned a darker shade of red. I looked at those beautiful, plump lips and stepped towards him again, all thoughts of keeping my heart unbroken long gone as I gazed longingly into those beautiful green eyes. I held his gaze as I reached a hand up to lightly touch his cheek. He shut his eyes in what appeared to be contentment as I gently stroked his jaw bone. I reached up on my tip toes as he reopened his eyes.

"Kiss me, Carlisle." I whispered, trying to be seductive but failing miserably in my ears when I thought of what his rejection would do to me.

He gazed into my eyes, searching, I had no idea what he found there but he must have found it encouraging. He gently, lovingly, cupped my cheek in his hand. I shut my eyes as he leaned down.

Then, our lips met in a gentle but amazing kiss, it was like nothing I had ever experienced before.

Just as he pulled back, we heard the front door open and shut. I froze in panic, was someone breaking in?

"Carlisle! Bella!" someone called in a high soprano voice that hesitated in the living room.

"Is that... Alice?" I questioned breathlessly as he still held my face close to his.

"Yes," he replied simply, seemingly out of breath as well.

I looked deep into his eyes and he seemed ashamed of something. Then it hit me. He was so sweet he didn't want to hurt me by rejecting the kiss I had asked for.

**CPOV**

How embarrassing! She had caught sight of that stupid erection. Why couldn't I be the gentlemen and control myself?! Who knows what kind of pain she had gone through with horny men. But I didn't want to hurt her. No, I wanted to love her, to show her how a girl like herself should be treated. I crossed my legs quickly and she giggled.

Then she looked up and I was caught in those beautiful brown eyes. She peeked down at my lips and I knew I wouldn't stop myself if she really wanted me to kiss her. She reached up to my face and I watched her carefully as she began to rub my jaw bone. I shut my eyes in pure bliss and when I reopened them, she was right there.

"Kiss me, Carlisle." With those three little seductive words, I was pushed overboard.

I took her face gently in my hand as I searched her eyes to assure myself this was what she wanted. Her eyes told me she was being truthful and I leaned forward, being as gentle as possible to show her how much she really meant to me. She shut her eyes and I pressed my lips to her, it was the most amazing thing I had ever felt. I kept the kiss gentle and short but we were both breathless as I pulled away, still holding her close.

Then the front door opened and closed, Bella stiffened in my hands. Alice did have _excellent _timing.

"Carlisle! Bella!" Alice called from the living room.

"Is that... Alice?" she asked breathlessly.

"Yes," I answered in the same breathless tone.

That's when it hit me. She deserved so much better than me. Ugh, I feel like such a pedophile! What the hell is wrong with me!

She looked deep into my eyes and then she broke down.

**(A.N.) He he! Little bit of a cliffhanger! }:-) Don't hate me because I love the cliffhangers! XD**

**Please review and tell me what you think!!! Or alert or favorite! ANYTHING WILL MAKE ME HAPPY! XD**

**If you really love my stories then please find me on twitter so I can easily keep you posted on what's going on with my books!**

http:// twitter [dot] com/ccullenismyvamp **(remember to remove all spaces and fix the dot!)**

**Plus, if you don't have a twitter, you can just go to my profile and check out my posts to find out what's up!**

**Love,**

**Ms. White Christmas**


	4. The Pixie Knows

**A.N. Thank you so much to everyone that reviewed! Surprisingly... I don't have a very long author's note! :O SHOCKER! LOLZ!**

**If thy doesn't own, thou can't sue.**

_That's when it hit me. She deserved so much better than me. Ugh, I feel like such a pedophile! What the hell is wrong with me!_

_She looked deep into my eyes and then she broke down._

**BPOV**

I couldn't take it, the pain was just overwhelming to find out he didn't want me, didn't want to kiss me. I crumpled under the heavy emotion as tears ran down my cheeks. Why had I done that? I knew he could never love me, I knew I was just going to get my heart broken. And that's what was happening, my heart was slowly, painfully breaking in a crooked line down the middle.

"Bella? Bella, what's wrong?" Carlisle's frantic voice seemed far away from me know, I bet I'm getting on his nerves with all my crying. In some part of my mind, the little detail that he was using my nickname registered but I thought nothing of it. I really deserve to be punished for how horribly I've acted. I really deserve everything all of those people did to me, every bit of the pain they inflicted on me.

"What the hell happened?" a high pitched voice exclaimed in shock as the door swung open. I guess it's Alice but my eyes are clouded with tears so I'm not sure.

"Oh, Alice!" Carlisle exclaimed, so it was Alice. "I don't know... well, I kissed her and she broke down." he mumbled very quickly through that last part.

I felt another hand on my shoulder and it began to rub soothingly. "I don't see how you could cry after a kiss from Carlisle. He doesn't give those to just anybody." Alice whispered in my ear and my crying stopped immediately.

I looked up at Carlisle's confused and worried face. Could I really be special to him? Is that possible?

"Bella," he sighed as relief practically radiated off of him. He took my hand very gently but kept his distance. Probably afraid of making me cry again.

"Do you want to tell us why you were crying?" Alice murmured softly and I finally got a good look at her.

She's short, shorter than me, with spiky brownish-blackish hair, crystal, blue eyes and clothes which hinted of designer name brands. She reminded me of a pixie. There was one big factor too, she was insanely beautiful. I felt so ugly next to her, and that was another reason why Carlisle could never love me.

I looked between her to Carlisle, debating whether to tell them or not. "S-sure... but it's pretty idiotic," I warned them and they just nodded. "A-after Carlisle kissed me he looked so ashamed about something and I started crying because I thought he had only kissed me so he wouldn't hurt me with saying no because I knew he was just that good of a person." I hurried through my explanation, fiddling nervously with my fingers, not meeting their gazes.

I heard a small sniffle and I looked up to see tears in Carlisle's eyes. I got on my knees and hesitantly wrapped my arms around him, trying to comfort him. He wrapped his arms around me and rested his head on my shoulder.

"I would never do that, Bella. I was ashamed because I knew you deserved better than me." he whispered and my heart soared to new heights.

**APOV**

"Carlisle! Bella!" I called out as I stopped just inside the living area, where are those two? I miss my uncle and am ready to meet my new sister! I couldn't wait to help her, and I was just so glad she already trusted me, even in the least, to try and help.

To say I was thrilled when Carlisle called me would be an understatement. I mean, my friends from school were alright but I just had a gut feeling that Bella and I would have something so much more special. Carlisle couldn't give me much details on her life, either because he didn't want to or didn't know. He just said that she quite possibly had a very horrid life and I was prepared to help her through _anything._

I then heard a rather loud 'thud' come from the bathroom and Carlisle's easily recognizable frantic voice. I ran back to bathroom and flung the door open.

Oh god! She's crying! "What the hell happened?" I exclaimed and Carlisle looked up at me with large, frantic eyes.

"Oh Alice!" he sighed with relief. "I don't know... well, I kissed her and she broke down." he mumbled very quickly through the last part and I was completely confused. Carlisle wasn't the man to kiss anybody against their will and he would never kiss just _anybody._ Carlisle just wasn't that kind of man so she must have asked and he must have wanted to. But that doesn't explain why she's crying.

I knelt down beside her so I could attempt to help her stop crying. I rubbed her shoulder as soothingly as possible. "I don't see how you could cry after a kiss from Carlisle. He doesn't give those to just anybody." I whispered into her ear, hoping to relax her and it worked, her tears stopped immediately and I got a pretty good idea of what had brought all this on.

Carlisle was definitely the kind of man to feel guilty over something and kissing this girl obviously brought on some guilt. The crying had probably come from being hurt many times before.

She looked up at Carlisle and I could almost feel the love and confusion radiating from both of them.

"Bella," he sighed in relief as he gently took her hand. I knew immediately from his expression, which Jazzy wore every time he saw me, he was in falling for Bella, and falling hard.

I smiled to myself, Carlisle needed someone and Bella was the perfect girl, because she was so obviously falling right along with him. For her expression was an exact duplicate of mine every time I see Jasper. Bella just needed to open herself to Carlisle and allow his love a place in her heart.

"Do you want to tell us why you were crying?" I murmured softly and she just looked at me in wonder for a moment, then she looked hurt for I have no idea why, I would have to ask her later, when we're alone.

"S-sure... but it's pretty idiotic," she warned us and we nodded. "A-after Carlisle kissed me he looked so ashamed about something and I started crying because I thought he had only kissed me so he wouldn't hurt me with saying no because I knew he was just that good of a person." she mumbled hurriedly through her explanation and I became even more sure that my hypothesis is correct.

I looked over at Carlisle, distracted by a kind of sniffling noise, as did Bella. Carlisle looked to be in pain and had tears filling his eyes. I felt so bad for him, I knew how guilty he could get when he did something horribly wrong.

Bella got on her knees and hesitantly moved to wrap her arms around him and he did the same while resting his head on her shoulder. If it wasn't clear that they were in love it definitely was now, the moment seemed so private I felt the need to look away.

"I would never do that, Bella. I was ashamed because I knew you deserved better than me." he whispered into her hair and my heart got all fuzzy on the inside.

She pulled back and placed a small kiss on his throat, obviously scared about being rejected again. He gently took her face in his hands and brought their lips together for a kiss that held so much love and passion in it, it practically blew me away.

They broke off as I cleared my throat in a clearly joking way. Carlisle glared at me through slitted eyes as they both gasped for breath.

"Well, if you would excuse us Carlisle, I believe I came here on a mission." I explained, very professional-like, rolling my eyes.

"Alright, Alice. I'm leaving." he spoke lovingly and irritatedly as he pulled away from Bella and walked out the door.

I shut it behind him and turned to Bella. Her cheeks were flushed red in embarrassment. I walked back over to her, looking her straight in the eye. "You love him." I stated simply and she looked beyond shocked. "I can tell." I murmured knowingly. "Now, Carlisle says you were hurt and need a bit of help cleaning up, so why don't we get started."

She suddenly looked scared over something, I had no idea what. "O-ok," she whispered uncertainly.

I began to lift her shirt but dropped it in shock as I saw her torso. There was no normal skin, it was all a huge purple-black bruise. "Carlisle!" my voice broke as I called to my uncle.

The door swung open in a matter of seconds and he was looking at me wildly. "What is-" he broke off as I re-lifted Bella's shirt to show him the bruise.

Carlisle cleared his throat before beginning to speak. "D-do you want to tell us what happened?" he asked with a slightly shaken voice.

**BPOV**

Carlisle cleared his throat before he spoke. "D-do you want to tell us what happened?" he asked with a slightly shaken voice.

Yes, I wanted to say but the words wouldn't form on my lips. There was no backing out, they saw the bruises and there was no lie that could cover it up.

All I could do was nod my head.

**(A.N.) YAYZ! Next chapter will be Bella's confession!!! :) Just a warning... the next chapter will be a very sad, depressing one and there will probably be many horrid flashbacks... so be prepared is all I'm saying!**

**I really hope you liked this chapter! I'm not sure if it's one of my better ones but I tried! Please review, alert or favorite! I WILL LOVE YOU FOR IT!!!**

**Love,**

**Ms. White Christmas**


	5. Confessions and A Death Wish?

**A.N. Thanks so much to everyone that reviewed, alerted and favorited!!! It makes me so happy!**

**Remember my warning! This going to be a very sad and depressing chapter!!**

**If thy doesn't own, thou can't sue.**

**BPOV**

"Let's go to the living room." Carlisle suggested and I nodded yes, still unable to bring words to my lips. He took my hand reassuringly and led me from the bathroom with Alice tagging along behind. I sat down on one of the white leather couches and Carlisle sat on one side with Alice on my other.

I took a deep breath. "I guess I should start from the beginning. When I was ten my parents were killed by a drunk driver and I had no other family to turn to so the police had no choice but to put me in the adoption agency. I was adopted a ton of times but no one ever really wanted me, they just wanted the check that came with me... and someone that would do anything they asked. I was mostly adopted by single males who could sexually abuse me and beat me." I took another deep, shaky breath as I tried to hold myself together. "Then there's Edward. He's an idiot from Seattle High**(I don't know the real name of Seattle's high school!)** that used to be my boyfriend, but then he got abusive. I tried ending the relationship-"

"Is he the bastard that was at the restaurant?" Carlisle cut me off.

"Yes, he was pinching my ribs because he had broken several the day before at school in a janitor's closet." I risked a glance up at Carlisle and he looked like he could kill someone, and, if he truly loved me, that someone was everyone that had hurt me so I wasn't scared by it. His hand still held mine and the hold wasn't tight at all, it was soothing with his thumb rubbing circles on the back of my hand.

"I'm a doctor Bella, so I could look at it if you like." he suggested. Huh, what a coincidence.

"Sure... but can I finish first?" I asked timidly, not wanting to push my luck on his kindness, if he didn't truly love me.

"Of course, but I do have to ask something. How did these men sexually abuse you?"

"Well, I had to put their thing in my mouth and one of them took me from behind." I explained with a sniffle. "They did that whenever I did something wrong and you seemed mad earlier when I asked for your help and I thought that would be what you wanted because I had made you angry." I stumbled quickly though my explanation as tears fell from my eyes.

"What did you do?" Alice asked, confused, her voice thick with tears.

I was too caught up in horrible memories to answer by the time she had asked.

Every man's face that had hurt me flashed through my mind, only pausing long enough for me to get a good look at them.

James, Laurent, Edward, and several more I couldn't even remember the names of. Each face bringing back everything they had done, all the pain.

I broke from my thoughts as I realized I was hyperventilating with tears pooling from my eyes. I could still hear all of their enraged voices, yelling at me. I could feel their hands in my hair as they forced their cock down my throat. Their hot, sticky cum that they forced me to swallow, their grimy hands roaming my body, their moans and my cries.

"Bella! It's alright." I could hear Carlisle's frantic voice but he seemed so far away, I was still caught in my past. His lips were the thing that broke me from the pain, his sweet smell and his arms encircled around me.

I gripped his shirt that I was sobbing into. I couldn't tell where Alice was but I didn't think she was still sitting on the couch.

He was rubbing my back, whispering "Sh," and "I'm sorry," soothingly in my ear. He would occasionally kiss my forehead every now and then. The shock I felt was amazing, definitely something.

I don't know how long we sat there before I stopped sobbing but it felt like an eternity, he never got tired of holding me though. I tried to calm by breathing for my ribs were aching horribly.

"Um, Carlisle?" I asked, looking up at his face.

"Yes?" he asked, his voice thick with tears that I hadn't realized he had cried.

"Can you look at my ribs? They're really hurting."

"Of course," he said, wiping away any remaining tears from my face before he sat me down beside him and he got off the couch. "Alice! Can you get my bag?" he called and Alice appeared from one of the doorways down the hall with a large, black bag in her hand. She looked as if she had been crying more than I had. I jumped up from the couch, ignoring any pains I had, and ran over to her. I pulled her into a hug and she did the same with me.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that Bella." she sobbed on my shoulder and it was my turn to comfort.

"Should I get Jasper?" Carlisle asked gently and Alice nodded while I brought her over to the couch. I watched as Carlisle talked to someone on his phone as I wondered idly who Jasper was.

"He says Rose and Emmett are coming too." he told Alice as he sat on her other side. "I'll take her, Bella." he told me as he pried Alice's death grip off my shirt and held her while I watched the door, waiting for whomever was coming over.

Not even five minutes later the door swung open and an extremely muscular man walks in with a beautiful, blond women at his side, followed by another tall, less bulky blond man.

I began to shake, I knew this was too good to be true. Carlisle had invited some of his friends over to have their fun with me and I had fallen into his trap, I had begun to trust him. A sob ripped through my chest and I heard no movement. Alice's crying stopped and the newcomers halted in their spot. The only sound was my silent sobs that seemed to echo throughout the silent room. All hope I had ever had flowed away just like the tears.

"Bella? Sweetie?" Carlisle called to me, placing a hand on my shoulder which I flinched away from.

"I-I'm sorry, for whatever I did. I'm s-sorry for living. J-just kill m-me." I sobbed as the world went black.

***

When I woke, there were many voices talking. My eyes felt heavy as boulders when I tried to open them. When I could open my eyes, even just a bit, it was very bright... wherever I am.

"Bella? If you can hear me please squeeze my hand." someone pleaded and the voice filled my heart with so much love it was almost overwhelming. Carlisle. I would do anything for him.

I squeezed my hand weakly, not thinking of the pain I would endure once I woke, just thinking of the hurt in Carlisle's voice.

He sighed and I opened my eyes further, I needed to see his face. "Carlisle," I sighed once I saw those beautiful green eyes. I gripped his hand tighter as the overwhelming agony at the thought of him hurting me filled me again.

"I'm here Bella." he murmured and touched my face so gently it was hard to believe he could hurt me... but what other reason would he have for inviting over those guys?

"W-where's Alice?" I asked timidly.

"I'm right here Bella." Alice walked up to stand beside Carlisle with the tall blond man beside her. I automatically flinched away from him and Carlisle went into frantic mode.

"What's the matter? Does something hurt?" Carlisle asked and I shut my eyes, trying to block out the images of what the men would do to me soon enough.

"What the hell's her problem." the blond girl muttered resentfully, walking in.

"What the hell is _your _problem, Rose!" Alice growled at her, actually _growled _at her! "I love you and all but you don't know what she's been through!" Alice continued to screech in outrage as the blond man seemed to hold her back.

Rose was glaring at Alice in a way that said 'Bring it' and the blond struggled to hold Alice back. I began to shake and Carlisle rubbed my shoulder, attempting to sooth me.

"Emmett! Man! Get your girlfriend or there's going to be a cat fight!" the man bellowed and the huge, muscular man walked in and, with an apologetic glance in my direction, dragged Rose out.

In that moment, I actually wished to die. Everyone in this world resented me, including myself. No one would miss me. I shut my eyes and curled up into a ball as I sobbed. "C-can you just kill me? P-please?" I pleaded through sobs.

"Bella, I will not kill you." Carlisle said in astonishment.

Of course, he wanted his fun first. I continued to weep muttering a broken 'please' every now and then, still curled up in a tight ball, until I fell into a restless, but peaceful sleep. Filled with nothing but Carlisle.

***

"Alice, what should I do? I feel so useless!" I heard Carlisle whispering as I began to stir. I don't show that I'm awake, not yet. I wanted to hear what they're talking about.

"I don't know, Carlisle. She's had a pretty tough life..." Alice replied uncertainly.

"Can I tell you something?" Carlisle asked a bit hesitantly after a moment of silence between them.

"Anything, uncle Carlisle." Alice promised.

"I... I believe I love her." Carlisle confessed and my heart stopped.

"I know you do." Alice replied confidently as tears formed in my eyes. These were different tears, the kind I haven't cried in a while. These were happy tears.

**(A.N.) Yes, I know Bella got a bit dramatic with the whole "Please kill me" thing but, you have to understand! She's had a really hard life! Dealing with the abuse and she just doesn't want to take anymore. But, she's finally learned that not everyone is a hatred-filled douche bag bent on hurting her!**

**I was kind of getting scared when it suddenly took that twist, aka-Bella asking to die, but I got into her mind to feel what she was feeling and I found it appropriate!**

**I hope you all, my wonderful readers, liked it! Review, favorite or alert please!!!**

**Next chapter, we'll see how it goes with Bella knowing they each love each other! The number one thing is... will Bella trust in his love? Will Bella confess her love for him? YOU'LL HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE!!!**

**Love,**

**Ms. White Christmas**


	6. You're MY Princess

**A.N. Thanks so much to everyone that is reading my story!!! COOKIES TO EVERYONE THAT REVIEWED!!! *hands out cookies***

**Now... let's see what happens!!!**

**If thy doesn't own, thou cant's sue.**

"_I... I believe I love her." Carlisle confessed and my heart stopped._

"_I know you do." Alice replied confidently as tears formed in my eyes. These were different tears, the kind I haven't cried in a while. These were happy tears._

**BPOV**

He loves me! I can't believe it! But, wait! He doesn't know that I know, he thinks I'm still asleep! I don't have the slightest clue at how to tell him! Ugh, what a mess.

I decide to pretend I was just waking up. I shut my eyes and roll onto my back, out of my ball, with a groan. Everything goes quiet as my eyes flutter open. I pretend to be wiping the sleep from my eyes but I'm really wiping away the happy tears I had forgotten about.

"Bella?" Carlisle's asks anxiously and nervously. Ugh, I probably scared him with all of that crying.

A flashback of what had happened suddenly flashed into my mind, a reminder. If Carlisle wasn't inviting them over to... then that means... Their names came back to me, remembering Carlisle asking Alice if he needed to get Jasper then him saying Emmett and Rosalie were coming.

I can't believe I was such an idiot! In front of Alice's friends of all people! They probably think I'm some psycho, suicidal freak!

"I'm sorry about the way I acted," I mumbled apologetically, looking from him to Alice.

"Bella," Alice sighed, looking me straight in the eye. "You have nothing to say sorry for, you have all the reason in the world to react the way you did. I should have thought to warn you I was just... distracted." she ranted, but I couldn't keep my eyes off Carlisle. He seemed to be having the same problem. Alice was still going off about something but I was lost in Carlisle's eyes, those beautiful green eyes that led right to his soul.

_I love you,_ I wanted to say but I was kind of scared. Could I have dreamed of him saying that he loved me? Could I be hearing things?

"Alice?" Carlisle cut off whatever she was saying.

She looked at him, waiting for him to continue, with a raised eyebrow.

"Can I have a moment with Bella?" he continued, more like a command than a question, never taking his eyes off me.

Alice's smile was radiant. "Ok!" she chirped excitedly, cheerfully bouncing out of the room.

As soon as she was out of the door, panic overwhelmed me. My past just won't let me forget, won't let me move on.

"I will never hurt you, Bella. You're too important to me." Carlisle murmured sincerely as he moved the hair from my face.

I was speechless. He said I'm important to him, I've never meant anything to anybody other than my parents.

He took a deep breath. "I love you, Isabella Swan. I know I've only known you for..." He glanced down at his watch. "two days but I feel like I've known you my whole life."

If I was speechless before, I definitely was now. He actually said that he loves me! Happiness overwhelmed me and those happy tears pricked at my eyes again.

He looked hurt for a moment but quickly composed his features. "I understand one-hundred percent if you don't feel the same way. I'll do anything for you and if what you need is only someone to come home to, to care for you, till you reach eighteen, I'll do just that."

I can't believe he would think that! I gently touched his cheek and coaxed his face closer to mine. "I love you too, Carlisle Masen." I breathed as my heart sped faster.

Then, our lips met in a kiss that set the world on fire. We each put all of the love and passion we held for the other in it, making it the most amazing thing I had ever experienced. I knotted my hands in his hair and he caressed my face, his other hand stroked my hair.

When we finally broke the kiss to breath, my ribs were hurting like hell from all this heavy breathing!

"Car-lisle," I gasped between breaths.

He must have heard the pain and desperation in my voice for he knew exactly what was happening. "Sh, just slow your breathing a bit and breath more in at a time, the pain will lessen." he murmured soothingly into my ear. I took his advice and it did work. "Good, now I'll tape them up so they can heal properly." he spoke, getting into his doctor mode as he rummaged through his large, black bag. He pulled out some medical things I didn't know the name of and sat them down on what looked like a bedside table.

I finally looked around the room. It appeared to be someone's bedroom, maybe mine? The walls were a beautiful blue color like the ocean, the furniture was all white and there was a door that probably led to a bathroom.

I looked back at Carlisle and he was watching me. I blushed. "Is this my room?" I asked quietly.

"Yes it is, I asked Alice to decorate it. Do you like it?" he asked anxiously.

"It's beautiful! Thank you, you didn't have to do this for me." I exclaimed, hugging his neck.

He chuckled as he hugged me back. "I'm glad you like it. Now sit back down so I can look at your ribs."

I did as he asked and sat back down. He lift my shirt, holding it so it still cover my breasts, and gasped. With a better view than earlier I can guess at what he was seeing. All of my ribs poking out with the skin stretched over them due to starvation. The bruises of course, some yellowing others a nasty shade of purple.

**CPOV**

No, she is not anorexic! This is just something else... oh god I hope she isn't anorexic! Should I ask... well, it's worth a try.

I cleared my throat and began to work on taping her ribs back into place. "Um... your not... anorexic, are you?" I struggled to get the words out.

"Of course not!" she shouted and her eyes told me she was telling the truth. I was relieved for a moment but then I realized _something _had to of done this to her.

"Then... what is it?" I asked cautiously as I taped up the last broken rib. Lucky there wasn't any internal bleeding.

"Well... I was never allowed to eat anywhere I went so I guess I was kind of forced to be anorexic. They allowed me to eat every now and then, so I wouldn't die and they weren't blamed for my death." she spoke quickly and uncertainly, her eyes soft with sadness and pain.

I felt like breaking down, my love had gone through so much and I was _only now _saving her. To say I felt horrid would be an understatement. "I'm sorry," I said softly as I hugged her to me comfortingly.

"It's not your fault." she murmured against my shoulder where she lightly kissed.

"Do you know how much you weight at the moment?" I asked softly, not very sure I wanted to know the answer but knew I had to find out so I could properly treat her.

"Maybe about eighty." she said with a shrug, she probably doesn't even know how underweight that is.

"Well, there's a scale in the bathroom." I told her and lifted her from the bed.

Despite herself, she giggled as I carried her into the bathroom. She sighed contentedly as she leaned her head on my shoulder. "You really are my knight in shining armor, I guess those fairy tales have a bit of truth in them after all. Saviors... happy endings..." she murmured and my heart skipped a beat. She actually thought of me as her savior, that's exactly what I wanted to be. Her knight in shining armor.

"The knight is nothing without his Cinderella." I whispered lovingly into her ear and kissed the place beneath it. She flushed a light red.

"I'm nowhere near a princess, Carlisle." she sighed in longing.

"Your my princess." I whispered and she seemed to really like that. A true, genuine, breathtaking smile spread across her face. I found that moment perfect.

I sat her down on her feet and cupped her face in my hands. She was beautiful.

"My beautiful princess," I murmured against her lips and, so gently and lovingly, brought my lips to hers. Kissing her was the most amazing thing I had ever experienced. Our lips moved in perfect synchronization, we were made for each other.

"Ahem," someone cleared their throat but I didn't end the kiss. I simply looked over Bella's head to see a red-faced Jasper with a giddy Alice at his side.

Bella noticed my distraction and broke the kiss to look behind her. She turned the reddest I had seen her yet when she noticed Alice and Jasper standing there.

Jasper's face softened and he grinned hesitantly. "I must say, I feel horrid for scaring you yesterday." he apologized.

"It's nothing, I just... overreacted." she said, shivering from the memory. She cautiously took a step towards Jasper and held out her hand. "I'm Bella," she introduced and I was so proud of her. She was really trying.

Jasper slowly brought his hand out to shake her's. She flinched, only a very small one that nearly escaped my eyes, as their hands touched. "Jasper," he introduced and shook her hand then dropped her hand.

Alice yawned and leaned heavily on Jasper. "What time is it?" she mumbled sleepily and I glanced at my watch.

"Um... three... A.M." I told her, stopping to yawn.

"Oh! I'm so sorry guys! You didn't have to wait up for me!" Bella looked really worried over something. I gently pulled her into a hug to comfort her.

"It's perfectly fine, it was no trouble." I murmured and she relaxed a bit.

"Carlisle-yawn-can Jazz crash here?" Alice asked around another yawn.

I looked at Jasper sternly. I saw Alice as my own daughter and I didn't want _anyone _hurting her. "As long as you don't do anything your mom wouldn't approve of." I said sternly, staring at Jasper but really talking to Alice.

Jasper, not surprisingly, held under my gaze as he said, "I would never hurt her." Like he could read my mind. I believed him.

I nodded my head, Jasper said "Thank you," and they were off.

I turned back to Bella and she was staring at the ground. "Sorry about that," I apologized. "I just worry for Alice."

She nodded and quietly stepped up on the scale. She looked at my face, not once looking at the number shown on the scale, as I looked down to see she was a measly seventy-five pounds.

A small gasp of shock escaped my lips. That was the healthy weight for an _eight year-old. _Anger threatened to drown me when I thought of all the sick people that had harmed my Bella.

"Well, you seem to be about twenty five pounds underweight." I managed to gasp out and Bella fell into my arms, sobbing. I rubbed her back as I placed small kisses on her head.

"I-I'm sorry I can't b-be better, to d-deserve you," she sobbed.

"Your perfect, Bella. You've just had a rough life, but that's all going to change. I love you, my princess." I murmured sincerely as I stroked her hair. I really liked that nickname for her, it suited her, she seemed to like it as well. Her crying slowed up and she gazed up at me with tired, red, puffy eyes. I felt my heart clench as I thought of how many sleepless nights she had probably endured.

I kissed her very gently on the noes. "It's going to alright," I murmured and she hesitantly kissed my cheek.

**(A.N.) I really liked this chapter! I love that nickname Carlisle has for Bella! It just came to me all of a sudden and I really liked it! :)**

**Please review and give me your thoughts! I will love you for it!!!**

**P.S. ALL REVIEWERS GET VIRTUAL COOKIES FROM HERE ON OUT!!!**

**Love,**

**Ms. White Christmas**


	7. Just Want To Get Better

**A.N. Thanks to everyone that reviewed!! Love you all and cookies to everyone!!!**

**If thy owns nothing, thou can't sue!**

_I kissed her very gently on the noes. "It's going to alright," I murmured and she hesitantly kissed my cheek._

**BPOV**

It's going to alright... it will be alright... I like that. I looked up for a second and hesitantly kissed his cheek, lingering there until he moved his lips to meet mine.

"I'm going to hold you to that," I joked lightly as we pulled back for air.

"Good," he yawned and drowsily shut his eyes as he leaned his head against my forehead.

I laughed gently. "Maybe you should get to sleep." I suggested and he smiled with a small nod. I gently wrapped an arm around his waist to guide him out of the bathroom. By the way he swayed on his feet I could tell he wasn't going to make it to his room so I led him over to my bed. He collapsed as soon as his legs touched the mattress. I laughed quietly and he grunted.

He rolled over and, with his eyes still closed, asked, "Bella? Would you mind untying my shoes? I can't sit up."

"Sure," I had to bite my lip to hold in the laughter I felt building up.

He grinned sleepily. "Don't laugh at me," he joked.

"Of course not." I giggled as I went to untying his black dress shoes. "There," I said, once I was done.

"Thank you," he mumbled nearly incoherently.

"No problem." I murmured. I didn't really know what to do, I looked around the room for a moment before I looked back at Carlisle. His eyes were only slits and he was looking at me.

"You can sleep up here if you want." he offered through another yawn. I thought about that for a moment but decided against it. I had been sleeping for who knows how long and I wasn't very tired.

"No thank you, I'm not very tired." I declined and he nodded weakly in understanding.

"You can do whatever you want. There's internet and some books..." he trailed off as his eyes drooped shut and his breathing slowed to turn into quiet snores.

I smiled before slipping quietly out of the room. I really needed some quiet time to just think. I went into the bathroom where my bag was still sitting on the counter and went to searching for my old, inexpensive MP3 I had gotten from my parents before their death. It was already loaded with a million of my favorite songs and listening to music soothed me.

I popped in the ear buds and began to sing one of my favorite songs, Stop and Stare by One Republic.

"**This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us  
It's time to make our move, I'm shakin' off the rust  
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here  
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years  
Steady hands, just take the wheel...  
And every glance is killing me  
Time to make one last appeal for the life I lead  
Stop and stare  
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere  
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared  
But I've become what I can't be, oh  
Stop and stare  
You start to wonder why you're here not there  
And you'd give anything to get what's fair  
But fair ain't what you really need  
Oh, can you see what I see  
They're tryin' to come back, all my senses push  
Untie the weight bags, I never thought I could...  
Steady feet, don't fail me now  
I'mma run till you can't walk  
But something pulls my focus out  
And I'm standing down...  
Stop and stare  
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere  
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared  
But I've become what I can't be, oh  
Stop and stare  
You start to wonder why you're here not there  
And you'd give anything to get what's fair  
But fair ain't what you really need  
Oh, can you see what I see  
What you need, what you need...  
Stop and stare  
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere  
And I know that everyone gets scared  
But I've become what I can't be  
Oh, do you see what I see..."**

I was soon allowing the soothing music to lull me to sleep as Courage by Superchick came on.

_A smile lit Carlisle's face as I came in the door. I walked up to him hesitantly with a blush creeping to my cheeks. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer._

"_You look beautiful," he murmured lovingly against my hair._

_I blushed deeper as I kissed his chin. "Thank you," I whispered lovingly._

_He kissed my lips and I wrapped my arms around his neck. It was heaven, then it all disappeared and I fell to the floor without Carlisle's support._

_It was very dark but I felt someone's evil presence before I heard a menacing laugh from somewhere nearby._

"_No! Leave me alone!" I screamed into the darkness at the unknown evil. "I just want to get better!" I sobbed as I started crying._

"I... want to get... better." I kept repeating through my tears as I scrunched my eyes shut tighter.

"You will Bella, I'll help you. Please wake up, princess." a familiar worried voice said and I slowly opened my tightly shut eyes.

"Oh!" I gasped and immediately shot up, yanking the ear buds from my ears in the process, as I saw Carlisle standing right in front of me. "I'm sorry, I didn't wake you did I?" I asked worriedly.

"No, I was already up." he assured me as he moved the hair from my face. The familiar electricity was still there whenever he touched me. He studied me for a moment. "Are you feeling alright? You look a bit pale." he told me worriedly as he gently placed his hand on my forehead.

When he said this I became aware of a dizziness and an ache in my stomach. "Now that you say that, I don't really think I feel that well." I admitted as a look of concentration came over his face.

"You seem to have a bit of a fever... what hurts?" he asked, removing his hand from my forehead to my cheek.

"My stomach... and I feel kind of dizzy." I told him quietly just as I felt nausea roll uncomfortably in my stomach. "And I think I'm going to be sick." I added quickly before standing and running to the bathroom.

I bent over the toilet and my throat burned as I released the nonexistent contents of my stomach. I felt Carlisle's hands pulling back my hair and rubbing my back soothingly. He pulled me into his arms once I had finished, I felt like hell.

"You appear to have a stomach flu, it's probably that twenty-four hour bug that's been going around," Carlisle informed me. "But it's probably going to be worse because of your state of health." he added sadly.

I nodded. "Um, Carlisle?" I asked timidly after a second of letting the nausea pass.

He gave me his full attention. "Yes, my princess?" he asked sweetly.

I blushed. "I was wondering if maybe, since I'm sick, we could just... talk." I suggested, sounding rather stupid in my own ears if you ask me. But, if I was going to love him, I wanted to get to know him.

He smiled and kissed me lightly. "I'd like that,"

And, with that said, we talked for hours about anything and everything, laying side by side on my bed. Only stopping occasionally when I had to throw up again, _stupid bug._

"What's your favorite movie?" he asked.

I yawned. "Steel Magnolias," I answered in a sleepy voice.

He glanced down at his watch. "You should get some rest, so you can get better and go to school tomorrow." he said sadly.

I didn't want him to leave though. "Ok..." I agreed longingly, I didn't want him to think I'm weird by asking him to stay... but my want outweighed my will. "Can... can you stay?" I asked timidly, staring intently at my hands.

He chuckled. "I'd like that,"

I looked up at him and smiled.

He smiled back. "I'll just change and be right back." he told me.

I nodded and he left the room.

I was already feeling so much better. The nausea had passed, my temperature went down to normal, and I was tired of being in bed- but Carlisle kept me company. We just talked until around lunchtime when he had made me some soup, which I kept down... for a little while. There was no sexual tension in the air, no need to kiss like mad. He'd occasionally kiss me lovingly on the forehead but he never pushed it. I really love him, and I wanted him to know that.

When he walked back in, dressed in a ratty shirt and pajama pants- looking as sexy as ever, I smiled again. "I love you," I whispered as he got in bed beside me.

He smiled right back. "I love you too, my princess," he whispered, using that nickname I love so very much.

"I really like that nickname." I told him as I lay on my side, facing him as he did the same.

"Me too," he said and I laughed.

We laid there in a comfortable silence for a little while until I noticed Carlisle looked like he had something on his mind. "What is it?" I asked.

"I was just thinking... would I... _cross _any lines if I held you?" he asked, looking completely embarrassed doing so.

I giggled and snuggled up against him. His strong, warm, comforting arms circled around me. "No, I know you won't hurt me." I murmured against his shoulder.

He sighed. "I'm so glad you do," he whispered just as I fell into a sweet, dreamless, dark abyss.

**(A.N.) Aw!!! Please review!!! Thank you so much!!! LOVE YOU ALL SO DEARLY! COOKIES FOR WHOMEVER REVIEWS, ALERTS OR FAVORITES!**

**Love,**

**Ms. White Christmas**


	8. First Day

**A.N. I am SOOOOOOOO SORRY that I haven't been able to get this up sooner! Please don't hate me! Ha ha, let's hug and make it better! LOLZ! Thanks and cookies to everyone!**

**If thy owns nothing, thou can't sue.**

_He sighed. "I'm so glad you do," he whispered just as I fell into a sweet, dreamless, dark abyss._

**BPOV**

Someone was shaking me and it scared me out of my sleep. My brain was so foggy from unconsciousness I could only remember James and what happens when he gets angry. I stiffened, remembering the sound of Jame's enraged voice.

"No, no, no," I whimpered as I stayed frozen, waiting for the inevitable pain.

"Sh, Bella, it's Jasper." Jasper? Oh god not Jasper.

_Flashback_

_I reluctantly walked in the front door of Jame's house after a blurred day of school- like always. I couldn't even remember the ride here. When I walked into the living room two men were waiting for me._

_James walked casually up to where I'd paused in shock and fright. He grabbed my upper arm in a too tight grasp and pulled me over to where the other man sat leisurely on the back of the couch. He bent down so his mouth was right by my ear and his hot, alcohol-layered breath ran down my throat._

"_Jasper here has paid good money for you, don't disappoint him." he ordered menacingly._

_The next five hours were the worst ever, I couldn't remember them though. I blocked my mind, which I had learned to do after much practice, from feeling the pain._

_End Flashback_

Just remembering that had me shaking and sobbing beyond my control. Strong arms encircled me but I could hardly feel them. It was like I wasn't really in my body.

"Sh, Bella, it's ok. It's just me, Jasper- Alice's boyfriend. Carlisle asked me to come wake you up for school." he murmured

Oh god, why must I act like a complete cry-baby in front of him? My sobs subsided slightly and I opened my eyes to see Jasper's concerned face. "I'm s-sorry," I croaked out, my voice thick with tears.

He looked confused. "Why are you apologizing? I'm the one that scared you." he pointed out gently.

I shut my eyes. "I'm used to apologizing," I admitted in a sullen voice.

"Oh," was all he said in reply.

I forced a small, shaky laugh and stood up out of his arms. He let them drop, allowing me to get up. "I guess it's time for my first day of school." I said with a sigh, not meeting his eyes.

"Are you feeling up to it? Carlisle said you had quite the bug yesterday." He looked me over, still concerned.

I was actually quite shocked he hadn't asked a million questions over my little freak out. Other than that I felt perfectly fine. "I feel fine." I reassured him. "Um, could you not tell Carlisle about... what happened?" I asked in a pleading voice, I didn't want to have to explain anymore of my life to him and have him worry even more.

"Alright..." he agreed uncertainly just as Alice walked in.

"Jazzy, out." she said simply and sternly, pointing out the door.

Jasper chuckled and stood from the bed. "Whatever you want, dear," he chuckled, kissing her forehead as he turned to go out the door.

Alice shut the door behind her and took my hand. "Come one, I have some clothes you can borrow for now and then we can go shopping this weekend." Alice pulled me to the other door that didn't lead to the bathroom. She opened it and stepped inside.

I poked my head in and looked around. There weren't many clothes, which I would expect since she doesn't live here. She came out with a pair of skinny jeans and a long-sleeved, v-neck, blue blouse. She held them up to my body and looked me up and down.

I fidgeted slightly uncomfortable and embarrassed by being so closely examined. She looked up at my face.

"Is something wrong?" she asked, concern lacing her voice.

"No." But I answered too quickly.

She dropped the clothes over an arm on a nearby chair and gently pulled me over to the bed. She sat down and I sat wearily beside her.

"Do you think you deserve what all those horrible people did to you?" she asked very seriously, gazing into my eyes.

_Yes... _I hesitated and that was answer enough for her.

She nodded her head but didn't say anything further on the subject. "Do you think you're beautiful?" she inquired.

_No... _I once again hesitated.

She nodded her head again. "Do you think Carlisle really loves you?" she asked with a very soft voice.

_I wish..._ I remained silent.

Alice sighed. "You _don't_ deserve what they did to you, you _are _beautiful, and Carlisle _does _love you." She never once dropped her gaze from mine, her eyes held all the sincerity in the world.

My eyes pricked with tears. "I just... feel so used." I whimpered, casting my eyes downward. "He deserves better than a broken, useless, whore like me." My voice broke a million times as the tears finally spilled over.

I suddenly felt two strong arms encircle me, bringing me into his lap. "Your not any of those things." I recognized Carlisle's voice. "Your my princess and I love you dearly. Your the most beautiful person I've ever met and you do not deserve what those people did to you." he reassured me just as Alice had- but it felt more real coming from him.

***

Alice pulled into an empty space in the nearly filled parking lot of Forks High. My little episode had nearly made us late.

"Alright," Alice sighed and turned to me. She got out a piece of paper and I took it. "You have every class with me but third period English and Biology." she explained as I surveyed the schedule.

"Which you'll have with me, so there's no worries." Jasper said with a reassuring grin from the back seat. I immediately felt bad for taking the front seat.

I frowned slightly but forced a smile on my face. "Thank you," I whispered uncertainly. Nervous butterflies were playing havoc with my stomach and my heart pounded audibly in my chest.

She put her hand reassuringly on my shoulder. "It'll be fine," she promised with a smile.

I attempted to smile convincingly back.

"You ready?" she asked encouragingly.

"I think so." I whispered uncertainly.

We got out and she linked her arm with mine. I grinned. I actually felt like I had a real friend. Jasper got out and put his arm around Alice's waist.

Jasper left us outside of room 3, Literature with Mr. Mason. The reading list was good- Shakespeare, Emily Bronte, etc. That class and second period passed in a quick blur.

Jasper met us outside our second period classroom.

"See you fourth period, Bella!" Alice called over her shoulder as she walked the other way.

Everyone within hearing distance turned to stare. I looked down, my cheeks turning a deep cherry red.

Hesitantly, Jasper placed a reassuring hand on the small of my back. I smiled shyly up at him and we set off in the direction of third period English.

Ms. Alexander directed me to a seat in the back- away from Jasper, which made me a bit nervous. Instead I was to sit next to a boy with spiky, blond hair, a cute, baby face, and blue eyes.

"Watch out with that Newton kid." Jasper warned, pointing at the guy, before taking his seat.

A shiver of fear ran down my spine. I walked slowly and a bit unsteadily to the seat. Newton smiled at me and winked as I got closer. I forced myself to smile back and take a seat. I keep looking forward, not daring to even glance at him.

Someone taps my shoulder and I look over involuntarily. He's is right there, grinning creepily.

"I'm Mike," he breathed and very secretively grabbed my boob roughly.

A small whimper escaped my mouth. I looked around to see no one was even looking our way. "Please don't," I pleaded.

Mike chuckled darkly and leaned back in his seat, leaving me trembling and frightened. I looked to the front of the classroom and saw Jasper looking at me, understanding in his eyes. Had he saw? A tear slipped from my eye.

I raised my hand and Ms. Alexandra called on me. "May I go to the bathroom?" I asked, barely getting my voice to a loud enough volume to carry to her.

She sighed but nodded her head. I jumped up and hurried from the room. Just as I was about to exit Jasper stood.

"Ms. Alexandra, can I show her where it is? She is new," he reminded her.

She eyed him for a moment but nodded as well. Jasper walked up to me and gave me a gentle push out the door.

"Did he do something to you?" Jasper asked with a deep hatred in his voice.

I nodded my head weakly. "B-but I'm ok." I amended in what I thought to be a reassuring voice.

"I am going to kill him." Jasper fumed.

I looked up at him in shock. "What! Why?"

His expression suddenly became guarded. He sat against the wall and I sat next to him. "He harassed Alice before I moved here about a year ago- I don't want you to have to go through that as well." he explained in a quiet, pained voice.

I looked at him in shock. "I'm so sorry," I murmured quietly. I felt really bad that someone so sweet, caring, and energetic- so full of happiness- like Alice had to go through that. She seemed so happy it was impossible to guess she'd ever gone through that- I really hope she isn't hurting inside.

"I'm just glad I was able to save her..." Jasper trailed off in an agonized voice.

"He... he didn't...?" I was trying to ask if he'd actually gone all the way.

"No, thank god." Jasper sighed.

Now this was going to happen to me. Fan-fucking-tastic. I shut my eyes, hoping my eyelids will block the tears from escaping. One traitor tear fell.

"I still loved her. No matter what she went through, it wasn't her fault." Jasper said quietly in a knowing voice. "Don't think less of Alice for telling me." he pleaded gently.

I had already guessed Alice would tell him and I wasn't mad in the least. I opened my eyes when I felt him take my hand. As I looked at him another tear fell.

He hesitantly wiped it away. "Come on, I'll take you home," he suggested gently and I nodded.

He helped me up and drove me home to where Carlisle resided for his off day. Hesitantly, I took the key from the eave where Carlisle had shown me he kept it and unlocked the door. I bid my goodbyes to Jasper and he went back to school. Quietly, I opened the door, hoping Carlisle wouldn't be mad that I was home early, and walked inside.

Carlisle sat sprawled out on the couch with a book in his hands, blocking his view from me. I shut the door which made a noise that he heard. He looked up to see who it was and I nervously looked back at him.

"Bella," he said in surprised, placing a bookmark in the book to hold his spot and standing.

"I'm sorry, something happened and..." I trailed off as he came up to me and hesitantly gave me a hug.

"You mustn't apologize, sweet princess." he said with a sweet smile. "What happened?" he asked, concerned, bringing me over to the couch.

I went on to tell him what happened today with Mike, skipping the details like what he actually did and my talk with Jasper- unsure if he knew about Alice.

He looked quite angry once I'd finished. "I'm very sorry, Bella. I wanted you to feel comfortable here..." he said disgustedly and shamefully.

I looked down at my hands, knowing his wishes were not going to come true. It was impossible for me to be comfortable in nearly every situation.

"What were you reading?" I asked in a small voice to change the subject.

**(A.N.) I am soooooo sorry this hasn't been up sooner! I've had things going on(and been grounded) and I just haven't found the time or the ideas to continue. Please hug and forgive! Reviewers make me happy and write faster!**

**Love,**

**Ms. White Christmas**


	9. Perfect In His Eyes

**A.N. Thanks so very much to everyone that reviewed! Your all so amazing it's unbelievable! It still... puzzles me at how much you like my stories! I'm sure I'm not that good but you still take the time out of your day and read my work! I can't thank you enough.**

**If thy owns nothing, thou can't sue.**

"_What were you reading?" I asked in a small voice to change the subject._

**CPOV**

"Jasper?" I didn't look up from my paperwork that I was so far behind on as I called his name.

"Yes, sir?"

I wrote down a few more notes, filling in more information. "Would you mind waking Bella for me?"

He hesitated and I glanced up at him. "I-I don't want to scare her."

I hadn't thought about that. "Could you get Alice to do it?"

He looked distraught. "She's changing."

I frowned slightly, filling in more information. "Just wake her gently." I sighed in defeat.

"Alright..." I heard his footsteps getting farther away.

I tried very hard to not let my thoughts be distracted by Bella and focus on my much overdue work- I tried, I really did- but I ended up daydreaming about her. It pained me just to think about all the pain she's had to endure due to all those horrible bastards. It enraged me that these people couldn't find the decency in them to control themselves and allow this sweet little angel to live. She's done nothing in all her life to deserve any of this- it just isn't fair. Well, I guess the statement 'life isn't fair' is one-hundred percent true.

I found myself doodling on the side of my extremely important patient information. I cursed myself for being so oblivious- and for using a permanent pen. Jasper walked in a while later, his expression confused me. I stood immediately.

"What's the matter?"

He looked up at me, seemingly shocked from some other thought that had been occupying his mind. "Um... nothing." he muttered nervously.

I eyed him sternly, putting my hands on my desk and leaning towards him for emphasis and to be slightly more menacing. "Is something wrong with Bella?"

He seemed to take a double-take but stood his ground. "She... I think I scared her when I woke her."

I immediately became worried. "What happened?"

"She kind of went out of it for a moment but then she started shaking and crying horribly." he informed me hesitantly.

I became somewhat angry. "And you weren't planning on informing me of this." I stated, knowing it was truth.

His eyes became hard. "She asked me that I not tell you- I already see her as my little sister. I wished to gain her trust."

This time, I was the one that did a double-take. "Oh," I mumbled.

He seemed suddenly ashamed. "But I am sorry, I probably should have intended on telling you in the first place."

"No, I do see your point. I'm glad you already see her as such, protect her at school seeing as I cannot. I'll not tell her that I know." I looked at him pleadingly.

"Of course," He nodded and grinned.

I walked around my desk and down to Bella's room to check on her. I paused outside the door as Alice's and Bella's words drifted to my ears.

"You _don't_ deserve what they did to you, you _are _beautiful, and Carlisle _does _love you." Alice reassured Bella.

"I just... feel so used. He deserves better than a broken, useless, whore like me." Her voice broke in several places.

Her words tore my heart into pieces. It was obvious she thought her statement truth. I walked in without knocking. Alice looked up at me with tears in her eyes as I wrapped my arms around Bella and pulled her close.

"Your not any of those things. Your my princess and I love you dearly. Your the most beautiful person I've ever met and you do not deserve what those people did to you." I spoke with all the sincerity in the world.

***

I was so worried about Bella, and my worry only worsened when they left for school. Bella and Jasper got in the car and Alice stayed back.

"Don't worry Carlisle, I think Jasper and I can protect Bella from anything high school throws at her." Alice said in a reassuring voice, giving me a hug.

I squeezed her tightly. "Please... try," I sighed heavily as I released her.

She smiled at me. "Believe me, Jasper will kick anyone's ass-"

I cut her off. "Language, Alice." I chastised gently.

She grinned sheepishly. "Sorry. I mean, Jasper will kick anyone's _butt_ if they attempt to do anything to Bella." Alice said with a loving/proud smile towards Jasper in the back seat of her yellow Porsche. "He already sees her as his younger sister." she informed me just as he had earlier.

I nodded in agreement. "You had better get going, don't want to be late." I ordered gruffly, still worried over Bella.

"Bye, Carlisle. Love you!" Alice called over her shoulder as she walked to her car.

"Love you too, sweetheart!" I called after her and she laughed at the nickname.

I watched as they backed out. Bella waved timidly at me before they turned to leave the driveway. I waved back and blew her a kiss. She caught it, metaphorically speaking, and touch it to her lips. I smiled as I watched them drive off and leave my sight.

Unwillingly, I took my eyes off where the car had just been and walked back inside the house. I shut the door behind me and locked it. I looked around the empty house and it seemed creepily silent for once. I couldn't take the silence so I walked over to my iHome that still held my iPod docked to it and turned it on to shuffle.

Satisfied, I walked over to my huge bookcase and chose a random book. I looked at the title and it turned out to be _Pride and Prejudice._ I decided to go with that since it had been quite some time since I had last read it. I sat myself down on the couch, fully intending on staying right there until Bella returned. I opened the book to the first page and immediately became lost in the happenings of 19th century England.

***

Before I knew it, I heard the door shut. I looked up to see Bella, she looked nervously back at me. "Bella," I said in surprise, placing a bookmark where I had left off. I stood up from where I had been sprawled on the couch and took a look at the clock to see it wasn't yet time for school to be out. I instantly became anxious as to why she'd be home.

"I'm sorry, something happened and..." she trailed off as I walked over and hugged her hesitantly.

I felt horrid that she was apologizing. "You mustn't apologize, sweet princess." I murmured softly with a reassuring smile as I pulled back. "What happened?" I asked as I led her over to the couch.

She proceeded to tell me about her encounter with Mike Newton. My anger for that kid grew so much more. How dare he hurt two of my girls? First Alice and now my Bella? That kid needs some help.

My fists clutched at my sides. "I'm very sorry, Bella. I wanted you to feel comfortable here..." I internally cursed that wretched kid.

She looked down at her hands. "What were you reading?" she asked in a small voice.

**BPOV**

He looked back at where he'd placed his book- he had seemingly forgotten it. "Oh, _Pride and Prejudice_," he recollected.

I was shocked. Everyone I met had no patience for the classics. This one in particular happened to be my absolute, all-time favorite of the works of Jane Austen. "I love that book!" I exclaimed in shock.

He grinned. "Really?" he asked in disbelief.

I laughed. "Yes! Jane Austen is amazing!" I gushed.

His grin widened. "Want to read it with me?" he offered.

"Sure!" I agreed immediately, today's happenings long forgotten. I hesitantly snuggled closer to Carlisle and leaned back, further into the soft, leather, white couch..

He did the same after retrieving the book from the coffee table. He put his arm around my waist and held the book so we could both look at it.

An idea came to mind and I decided, what the hey? I snuggled up to him and got into his lap.

He looked shocked for a moment before encasing me in his loving embrace.

I kissed the hollow of his throat. "Will you read it to me?" I breathed, trying to sound endearing.

He kissed my forehead. "Of course, my princess," he murmured.

I pouted, my bottom lip jutted out just a bit.

His eyes widened slightly. "What?" he asked innocently.

"You missed." I breathed before bravely capturing his lips with mine.

He immediately responded with his own intensity. I wrapped my arms around his neck and wove my fingers into his beautiful golden blond locks. I pushed myself closer to him, sitting up so my knees were on either side of his legs. We eventually broke apart, needing to breath. I leaned my head against his, feeling slightly nervous about my sudden burst of bravery.

Carlisle sensed my nervousness. He gently kissed my nose and I giggled. "Thank you,"

I became confused. "For what?"

"For not being afraid to kiss me."

I grinned to myself. I sat back on his lap and curled up in it. "And thank you for allowing me to." I murmured as I nuzzled his chest affectionately.

He rubbed my back before sliding his arm around my body to hold me in his lap. "Anytime, sweet girl," He kissed the top of my head.

He spent the next few hours reading aloud to me _Pride and Prejudice. _After a bit, he suddenly put the book down. I looked up at him, confused. His mischievous expression only confused me further.

I was suddenly laying back on the couch with him on top of me, careful not to put all his weight down on me. "Carl-" I couldn't finish his name for he started tickling me.

I immediately started laughing like crazy. My limbs flailed about in a useless attempt to get him to stop. "Quit... it!" I exclaimed through giggles.

He grinned. "Not until you tell me you love me." he conditioned, still tickling me.

I laughed harder. "I... love... you!" I managed to get out while gasping for breath.

He finally stopped but I was still gasping to regain my breath from all the laughing. He grinned triumphantly. "I love you too, princess,"

I smiled back at him. "I haven't laughed like that in years." I admitted.

He smiled knowingly. "You'll be laughing like that a lot more now." he promised.

"I'm going to hold you to that." I suddenly recognized the song filling the room. "Clair De Lune?" I asked in shock- that was my favorite piano piece.

He looked just as shocked. "You know Claude Debussy?"

"Of course... I can play every one of his pieces on the piano." I admitted sheepishly.

He raised an eyebrow. "Beautiful, sweet, strong, loving, unselfish likes _Pride and Prejudice, _Clair De Lune, _and _can play the piano? You're beyond perfect." he murmured in awe, kissing me lovingly.

I rolled my eyes when he pulled back. "I'm nowhere near perfect, Carlisle." I sighed.

He ignored my statement, as if I hadn't said anything. "You also have the most beautiful laugh I've ever heard." He inhaled and smiled. "You also smell like chocolate dipped strawberries."

I blushed furiously. "You're all the more beautiful when you blush." He gently glided his thumb over my cheek.

I smiled. "Thank you, Carlisle. Your the first person in a long time to actually think of me as perfect." I murmured appreciatively, happy and sad tears brimming at my eyes.

He kissed away the few tears that escaped. "That's because no one has had the courage looked underneath the covers." he said knowingly before kissing my nose again.

I smiled. "And what made you decide to look?" I questioned curiously.

He thought about that for a moment. "I had a very good feeling." he told me. Which only left me with more questions but I didn't voice them.

I shut my eyes, feeling quite tired all of a sudden, and yawned. Carlisle kissed both of my eyelids. "I love you," he whispered.

I yawned once more. "I love you too." I then drifted off into a sweet, dreamless sleep.

**(A.N.) Aw! I think that was rather sweet! :) I love Carlisle and Bella... ha ha. Tell me in a review whether you like it or hate it! I will love you for it!!!**

**Love,**

**Ms. White Christmas**


	10. A New Form Of Torture

**A.N. Thank you so much to everyone who read and reviewed! Your all so awesome!**

**If thy owns nothing, thou can't sue.**

_I yawned once more. "I love you too." I then drifted off into a sweet, dreamless sleep._

**JPOV**

"I can't find Bella! She wasn't in any of her classes and I spent the whole lunch period searching for her- oh my god I'm going to die then Carlisle is going to kill me!" Alice ranted as she walked up to where I stood beside her Porsche.

I put my hands lightly on the tops of her shoulders. She stopped talking and looked up at me, desperation in her beautiful, crystal blue eyes.

"She's safe at home." I told her quietly and she visibly relaxed.

"Wait," She tensed back up. "Why?"

I opened the driver's door for her. "Get in, I'll explain on the way home."

She obeyed, still slightly tense. I walked around to the passenger side and got in. She took my hand.

"Please tell me she's at home in one piece." Alice practically begged.

I nodded and began. "Mike-" The enraged expression on Alice's face brought me up short.

"I swear I'm going to kill that little bastard." Alice fumed, her voice deadly, as she got out of the car.

My eyes went wide as I realized she was stalking off to where Mike was leaning against his car, surrounded by his so called 'friends'. I jumped out and was jogging after her. I came to an abrupt halt when she confronted him and let her fist pull back then snap forward in one fluid motion. Mike's head snapped back and hit the window of his car, breaking it, as he held his nose. Everyone burst out laughing and I let a small chuckle escape.

"Now, if you ever touch Bella again, I will personally push you off a cliff and laugh as you plunged to your death where you will rot in hell, Newton." Alice whispered menacingly to him.

Mike had a look of true fear in his eyes and it only intensified as I wrapped my arms around Alice's waist. "Touch either of my girls and I'll help her kill you." I threatened, one-hundred percent deadly.

Mike backed off, eyes wide, and still clutching his surely broken nose.

Alice grinned evilly and triumphantly at him before turning and kissing me. It lasted a bit longer and was more intense then a public kiss should be but I didn't care. Alice pulled back and was suddenly lifted into a bear hug by the big bear himself- Emmett.

"That was awesome, Ali! You do not even know how long I've waited to see that happen!" Emmett gushed with pride.

Alice laughed. "You and me both, Emmybear."

He finally let her down and Rosalie walked up. "Hey, Alice... I'm sorry about the other day," Alice was about to cut her off but she held up a hand to stop her. "And I was wondering if you could take me over to Carlisle's so I can apologize to Bella."

Alice smiled at this and immediately hugged Rosalie. "I forgive you!"

Rosalie sighed sadly. "Let's just hope Bella does."

"Can I come?" Emmett got those puppy dog eyes on and jutted out his bottom lip.

I became cautious. "I'm not sure, Em... we don't want to overwhelm her."

He pulled the full force of his eyes on me. "Pweese?"

I sighed and punched his shoulder. "Fine, Emmett, you can come."

He jumped up and down with his hands in the air. "Yes!" He grinned triumphantly.

We all laughed at him as we moved to Alice's Porsche. We all got in and made our way home.

"Ok, maybe Alice and I should go in first and tell Bella and Carlisle that you two are coming as well so we don't put this all on her at once." I suggested and they all nodded in agreement. "And, Emmett?" He turned to look at me. "No bear hugs." I ordered sternly.

He pouted but muttered a fine.

Alice's expression brightened even further then it already was. "I know what me, Bella, and you, Rose can do!" she squealed and the car swerved slightly.

"Watch it, Alice!" I exclaimed in shock as my hand shot out to straighten us up before a huge eighteen wheeler passed us.

"Sorry, Jazzy," she said apologetically.

"What did you think of, Alice? Before you almost killed us all?" Rosalie chastised gently.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Well, I thought us three could go shopping!"

Rosalie squealed and Emmett and I rolled our eyes. "That's a fantastic idea! I just hope Bella will forgive me..." Emmett put an arm around her.

"I'm sure she will." Alice gave her a reassuring smile.

We got to Carlisle's house and Alice and I got from her car. We told Emmett and Rose to stay and went inside.

"Carlisle! Bella!" Alice called out and was hushed before we saw Carlisle come around the corner.

"Sh, Alice! Bella's asleep!" Just as he said this there was a small "Carlisle?" coming from the living room.

We turned the corner to see a bleary eyed Bella, sitting herself up from where she'd been laying on the couch and wiping sleep from her eyes.

**BPOV**

I was woken from my sleep by someone calling my name in a rather loud voice. Carlisle hushed whomever it was. I started sitting up.

"Carlisle?" I grumbled out.

I looked up, my eyes slightly bleary, to see Carlisle, Alice, and Jasper standing in the hallway, looking at me. I smiled at them as I wiped sleep from my eyes.

"Hey, guys," I spoke, sleep still layering my voice.

"Hi, Bella!" Alice said, coming over and giving me a large hug.

Jasper grinned and waved at me. Behind Alice's back, I waved timidly back at him.

"Oh, Bella! Emmett and Rosalie are here." Alice informed me.

I instantly became nervous and uneasy. Rosalie was the one that had talked so hatefully to me the other day and Emmett was the huge, muscular one that looked like he could crush me with one hand.

"Rosalie came to apologize and Emmett came... because he has amazing persuasion skills." Jasper spoke up with a chuckle. "Are you ok with them being here?"

I nodded, unsure, but I wasn't about to tell them no. Jasper went back outside and Carlisle came to stand by me. He put an arm around waist and leaned down so his mouth was by my ear.

"I know what your thinking... Emmett might be huge but he could never hurt a fly." Carlisle whispered reassuringly.

"And Rose didn't mean what she said, she can be bitchy every now and then." Alice piped up.

"I heard that!"

My head snapped up to see Rosalie and Emmett trailing in behind Jasper. Rosalie was smiling so I didn't think she was mad at Alice. I started feeling kind of nervous. I fidgeted and Carlisle rubbed reassuring circles in my back.

Rosalie walked up to me, unsure and looking really apologetic. "Bella? I'm... I'm really sorry about what I said." she eventually got out.

That shocked me, I stood there, my eyes wide.

"Will you forgive me? Please?"

I couldn't believe she was begging. "Of course, Rosalie,"

She looked immensely relieved and hesitantly pulled me into a hug. "Thank you, Bella... and please, call me Rose."

I hugged her back and Alice squealed. "Yay! Now we can go shopping!"

I looked at her, confused. "Shopping?"

She rolled her eyes. "Of course, shopping! You can't just use clothes that aren't your style and hardly fit you!"

I had a feeling this wasn't going to roll over well. "I'm not much of a shopping person... plus I have no money, Alice."

She scoffed. "I'm going to pay for everything of course."

"Which, in translation, means her loving uncle Carlisle is going to pay for everything." Carlisle sighed and shook his head.

Alice grinned sheepishly at him.

I immediately shook my head. "No, I can't have you guys doing that for me."

"No, there is going to be no excuses, you are coming." Alice said sternly and I sighed in defeat.

"How about I come along?" Carlisle offered and that immediately brightened the idea of shopping.

"Please, Alice?" I begged, looking at her with wide, hopeful eyes.

She sighed. "Fine, only because your a cool uncle."

Carlisle chuckled. "Thank you, that's a high praise."

I sighed in relief and laughed at Alice's praise.

We spent the next two hours getting ready. It was absolutely absurd how much time it took those two to get themselves and me ready for just a shopping trip. They went through outfit after outfit, trying to choose the right one- then hair and makeup.

"Alice, this is too much!" I protested.

She simply ignored me and continued applying makeup.

I huffed angrily and tried to go to my happy place. A few more minutes of this and Carlisle finally came to my rescue.

"Alright, Alice. I think Bella's gone through enough torture." Carlisle said and Alice backed away from my face.

"Done!" she sang and I turned to look in the mirror.

Rose had down my hair so it was a lightly curled ponytail and my make up was very light with smokey eyes that outlined them and made them stick out. They had put me in a blue blouse with sleeves that flared out and hung loosely from my arm with dark blue skinny jeans- accompanied by light blue, low top converse. I looked pretty good.

"Wow," I said, my mouth agape.

Carlisle wound his arms around my waist. "You look amazing, Bella." he murmured, kissing my neck.

I turned to him and put my arms around his waist. "Thank you," I nuzzled the crook of his neck.

He pulled up my chin so I looked at him. He gently pressed his lips to mine and my mind went blank. I kissed him back with all my might as I weaved my fingers into his hair.

Alice cleared her throat and I pulled away to glare at her. I then saw a beat red Rosalie standing next to her, politely looking away, and I turned ten different shades of pink. Rose looked back at me and smiled sheepishly.

"Way to go, Carlisle!"

I jumped when I heard Emmett's booming voice from the doorway and I turned tomato red. Carlisle wrapped his arm around my waist and turned to him, laughing.

"Thank you, Emmett," he said sarcastically. "Always the supportive one." he muttered, rolling his eyes.

I laughed at how much like a teenager he sounded. I finally looked at what he was wearing on our mall trip. He wore ripped, dark blue jeans and a halfway buttoned up, pitch black shirt with a white, wife beater underneath it. He even looked very much like a teenager- even his face hardly showed any age at all. No wrinkles contorted his heavenly face.

I got on my tip-toes. "What are you, eighteen?" I whispered playfully in his ear as I put a hand discreetly on his firm, buff chest.

He turned to me and gave me a chaste kiss. "How flattering." he murmured and kissed my noes.

I giggled and pushed on his chest.

"Alright, enough of this love fest, let's get a move on!" Emmett boomed and I glared at him, feeling more sure of myself then I ever have.

Emmett's eyes widened and a grin spread across his face.

I scoffed. "Not even phased." I muttered, loud enough for him to hear.

He chuckled. "You look about like a lost puppy who'd had his tale tugged on one too many times." Emmett admitted with a snicker.

Childishly, I stuck out my tongue at him.

Alice was eventually able to pull me from the house- after many protests and complaints from me. Let's just say I was not looking forward to this shopping trip. Alice yanked me from the back seat of the car thus making me yank Carlisle right along behind me.

"Alice, enough roughhousing!" Carlisle chastised as we ran to keep up with Alice's steady, unwavering, too fast pace.

She turned to roll her eyes at Carlisle but slowed down a bit- Rosalie as well who was easily keeping up with her, dragging poor Emmett along behind her. I looked down, trying to catch my breath, to see both Rose and Alice in _heels._

My mouth went agape. "Your in _heels!_" I exclaimed in shock. How in god's name could they possibly _run in heels? _If I was ever insane enough to attempt that, I would end up in the emergency room for sure- as well as some innocent bystander.

Rose and Alice simply shrugged, brushing it off as nothing.

I scoffed at them in disbelief as we began to walk at a more reasonable pace into the mall. I held tightly onto Carlisle's hand, feeling a bit frightened out in public. He rubbed small, soothing circles into the back of my hand and I attempted to relax- it didn't work. I pressed closer to Carlisle as we walked through crowd after crowd of people.

"It's ok," he murmured soothingly to me. "I'm here.

We turned a corner and my breath caught in my throat, my heart stopped beating, and I swear every pain in my body intensified times a million.

**(A.N.) OOOOH! What could it be? You will have to review, wait, and see! XD He he, I'm so evil... }:)**

**Love,**

**Ms. White Christmas**


	11. Unwanted Intruders

**A.N. A big thank you to everyone that reviewed!**

**If thy owns nothing, thou can't sue.**

_We turned a corner and my breath caught in my throat, my heart stopped beating, and I swear every pain in my body intensified times a million._

**BPOV**

I felt like a dear caught in the headlights as familiar, hard, cold, green eyes fixed their hatred-filled gaze upon me- I could hardly remember the day when they used to hold love in their green soulless depths. I could do nothing but stand there, trapped, terror consuming my body. He grinned wickedly and murmured something to the two guys I slightly recognized from the football team back in Seattle that stood by him.

Carlisle came to halt by my side, his eyes wide with concern. "Bella? Princess?" he murmured worriedly as he drew me closer to him. He put an arm comfortingly around my waist and gently caressed my cheek as he took us into a side hallway, out of the traffic and away from Edward.

I turned my gaze back onto Carlisle, my eyes wide. "H-he's here," I spluttered, still in shock, my blood still frozen in my veins.

"Who, Bella? Speak to me, princess." Carlisle pleaded, a look of distress contorting his perfect features.

I grasped his shirt weakly, needing the support all of a sudden. "Edward," I whispered.

His nostrils flared slightly but, with some difficulty, he remained calm and supported my shaking frame. "Sh, sweet girl. I won't let him hurt you."

"Bella!" Alice called and I jumped at the loud noise. "There you are!" she exclaimed and I saw her and the rest of the gang fast walking towards us.

"We nearly freaked when we looked behind us to not see..." Emmett trailed off as Jasper shushed him before running up to me.

He grabbed my hand up in his. "What's the matter, Bella?" he asked worriedly. He reminded me so much of the older brother I never had but always wanted.

I closed my eyes, forcing back the tears and attempting to calm my shaking body. "Unwanted intruders," I muttered, my voice quivering.

Jasper leaned in closer. "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you." he admitted politely.

I shook my head. "It-it's nothing, I just freaked out for no good reason." I said, with a sigh, a bit louder.

Carlisle's mouth opened into a small 'o' of shock. I pleaded with him not to say anything. I didn't need a whole butt load of pity pounding on me.

Jasper looked at me disbelievingly, as did Rose, Emmett, and Alice. They looked ready to prod further but I held up my hand.

"Believe me. It's nothing," I murmured, sniffling quietly, wiping the few tears that had escaped from my eyes. "Let's just continue shopping."

We continued on our shopping trip, it went by smoothly. I saw no Edward, nor any of his friends. No one brought it back up and Carlisle remained silent about it. I even tried pushing it to the back of my mind, but the worry still remained, nagging at me.

We were in the rather long food court line, Emmett and Jasper weighed down with the numerous shopping bags while Carlisle merely carried two, when I needed to use the utilities.

"I'll be back in a moment." I told Carlisle.

He glanced down at me, a flicker of fear shown in his eyes. "Bathroom?" he asked quietly.

I nodded, my cheeks blushed slightly.

"Would you like me to come with you?" he asked apprehensively.

I shook my head no.

"Alright..." he agreed reluctantly.

"I'll be fine." I kissed his cheek and turned about faced. I made my way briskly towards the bathroom across the food court and on the other wall.

I reached out to grab the handle for the ladies restroom but it slipped just out of my reach as someone pulled my shirt backwards. I yelped as rough arms pulled me through one door which I presumed to be a family restroom.

One calloused hand clamped down on my mouth and tears filled my eyes. I knew from the second my shirt was yanked backwards who it was and what was going to happen.

"Sh, sweet Isabella," Edward cooed to me like I was a baby, in that menacing voice that sent a cold, icy shock of fear down my spine. I shivered.

The snickers of the other two football players filled the dark bathroom. I couldn't see a thing, I could only make out the slight outlining of their musculature bodies. One of them stepped closer to me.

I, restrained by Edward, could only watch as he roughly took hold of my body and pressed his disgusting lips to mine. I remained completely frozen as he had his way with me.

He tore the clothes from my body and removed his pants. They all did the same, while I cried as I lost my virginity in the most horrid way possible- to three guys, unwillingly.

I cried from the pain and I cried knowing Carlisle would never want me after this. I cried for Carlisle, I cried for myself, I cried for the Edward I once knew, I cried for my mom, and I cried for my dad.

They beat me harshly before leaving me on the cold, linoleum floor, bleeding and sobbing my heart out as it shattered like fallen glass- into a million tiny, irreparable pieces. I really hoped I would die from blood loss.

Of course, I never get what I want.

***

I could feel nothing. It was so peaceful in this dark abyss that I wanted nothing but to remain here for the rest of eternity. I couldn't feel any pain, I couldn't feel any sadness, I could feel nothing in general. Nothing but a weightlessness that I seemed to be floating on was what I felt.

***

Suddenly, there was a light intruding upon my pitch black heaven. I wanted to shut it out but it continued to interrupt my peaceful abyss.

The pain came flooding back and my eyes fluttered open. I groaned as I took in the white, fluorescent lights above me and the soft, warm bed I lay upon.

My noise alerted whomever was in the room of my awakening. An unfamiliar face came into view.

He smiled kindly at me. "Hello, Isabella. My name is Dr. Kennedy, do you remember what happened to you?" he asked kindly.

I winced at the use of my full name and as the memories came flooding back. I didn't speak, I kept my expression blank as I looked through him.

"I know something bad has happened to you and you might not want to think about it but you must tell us so we can treat you properly, Isabella." Dr. Kennedy continued in a concerned voice.

I kept my expression blank, refusing to speak as I continued to look through him, unseeingly.

He sighed, defeated. "Later, then. How are you feeling?"

I snorted internally at that. Of course I feel like shit! What is going through this guy's head? I remained silent, though, and shut my eyes.

He sighed again just as I heard light footsteps just outside the door. "Is she awake?" someone whispered just loud enough for his voice to carry to us.

My eyes popped open as I recognized the angelic, concerned voice and emotion entered my features. My body racked with uncontrollable sobs that quivered the bed beneath me.

Hurried steps entered the room and I felt warm, comforting, familiar arms wrap around me. His hand soothingly smoothed back my hair and his other rubbed circles gently into my back. "Sh, Bella, my sweet princess. I'm here, I'm here, sweet girl." Carlisle cooed softly.

My body trembled harder as he called me his princess. I was too filthy to be a princess, too broken. I was undeserving of his love and his kindness. He deserved so much better. Some women that was beautiful, pure, untainted, and able to get through the day without breaking down. I deserved to die so I can go to hell where I belonged- no, I deserved to continue living in my hell on earth, so I can endure more of this heartbreak and pain; dieing would only allow me peace. I have to tell him what happened so he can run away, so he can spit in my face and tell me how worthless I am, so he can return to Victoria.

I would save that for later, just because I'm a selfish slut, and relish in this short time that Carlisle is still with me.

***

I kept putting it off- telling anyone what happened- two days after I had awoken from unconsciousness. I decided I would tell Carlisle the next time he visited.

As soon as I made that promise to myself, Adonis himself walked in the room.

**(A.N.) That was a very sad chapter... please don't hate! I think I actually started crying while writing this. Please review! It keeps me writing!**

**Love,**

**Ms. White Christmas**


	12. Success Or Fail

**A.N. Wow, dishing out two chapters in two days! I'm pretty proud! Maybe this will help jump start some reviews...**

**If thy owns nothing, thou can't sue.**

_As soon as I made that promise to myself, Adonis himself walked in the room._

**BPOV**

He smiled gently at me and took the seat beside the hospital bed. I bit my lip nervously, not meeting his eyes.

He sighed. "Bella, sweet, sweet, Bella. You haven't looked into my eyes since you woke up two days ago." he accused gently.

_It would kill me to see all the care and love and kindness in them that I don't deserve. _I wanted to say, but didn't. "I think it's time a tell you something." I began, keeping my voice bleak and my eyes elsewhere.

He took my hand in his. "You can tell me anything, princess."

The use of that nickname nearly killed me. It took everything in me to keep my face cleared of any emotion and my voice from quivering. "I'm not clean anymore, Carlisle. That day at the mall, Edward found me as I was about to use the bathroom. He and his friends raped me and beat me then left me bleeding to death." My voice finally began to quiver as I uttered my last words to Carlisle. "I'm sorry you wasted so much time on me."

He had remained silent, I didn't look at his expression, then he up and left just like I knew he would. He dropped my hand and it swung limply away from him. He was gone, really gone. He was forever just a part of my memory- no, he was forever a dream. He would remain a sweet, too-good-to-be-true dream that I was once blessed with having.

Once I was sure his footsteps were long gone, I broke into the worst case of uncontrollable, body-racking sobs I have ever endured. I wrapped my arms around my torso as my heart shattered even further then it already had been- the small chunks of fragile glass became microscopic pieces..

I cried harder then I did when I found out my parents had died. I cried harder then I did when I first got beaten and when I first had to take in one bastard's dick. Even the crying I went through when Edward first hit me could not compare to this. These sobs had nothing on any other crying fits I endured throughout my life.

I curled in on myself, going to wrap my arms around my legs when I felt the tug of the IV. Irked by it and completely irritated, I yanked it out. I merely winced as the needle tore from the vain and out of my skin.

The little heartbeat tracker thing flat-lined as it no longer had a connection to my body and made this really annoying continuous beep like someone holding down your doorbell. My sobs worsened as I wished so very much that the machine was truly reading my heart- telling everyone that I was dead.

I instantly heard hurried footsteps growing nearer and I got an inspiration. I leaped from the bed, tears still clouding my eyes, and ran towards the window across the room. I jumped, turning slightly so my back would hit the glass in a moment of fright- simply reflex.

Everything seemed to move in slow motion from the moment my feet left the ground to the moment my back hit the glass. The tears left my eyes long enough to see what I thought to be Carlisle and several other doctors standing in the doorway, frozen and watching me with shocked eyes as my body slowly crashed into the window. Glass pierced my skin, shattering all around me, a thousand knives piercing my fragile skin.

I screamed and was gone before I ever felt the ground beneath me.

***

**CPOV**

I finally got a break from my busy schedule and I hurriedly fast-walked to Bella's room. I entered and she looked up at me, not meeting my eyes still. I smiled at her.

She bit her lip nervously and I took the seat beside her bed. I sighed. "Bella, sweet, sweet, Bella. You haven't looked into my eyes since you woke up two days ago." I told her gently.

She still didn't meet my eyes. "I think it's time a tell you something." she began, her voice showing no emotion.

I took her hand soothingly into mine. "You can tell me anything, princess."

She inhaled sharply, but, other than that, she showed me no other emotion. "I'm not clean anymore, Carlisle. That day at the mall, Edward found me as I was about to use the bathroom. He and his friends raped me and beat me then left me bleeding to death." She paused. "I'm sorry you wasted so much time on me."

My anger level shot up to an unhealthy level. I wanted to kill someone. If I stayed in this room any longer, Bella would get hurt. It took everything in me not to crush her fragile hand I still held.

I stood up, dropped her hand, and left that room as fast as I could.

My inner demon was growling at me, breaking through its prison. It was telling me to find that Edward kid and kill him- kill anyone for that matter. I was seeing red as I all but ran through that hospital.

A single voice stopped me in my tracks. "Room 142 flat-lined!" someone shouted urgently.

_Bella's room._ Oh god, she can't be dead.

My anger was extinguished and I ran at my fastest back to Bella's room. What happened within the short time I'd left her?

I skidded to a stop in front of her door. I stood, frozen there, with doctors crowding behind me, as I saw Bella jump. She turned in the jump and I caught sight of her tear streaked, heartbroken face just before she crashed through the window.

Only one thought broke through the initial shock as doctors swarmed around me, running towards the gape the broken window made. _I had just killed the love of my life... because I couldn't control my anger._

I shut my eyes tightly and fell to my knees.

***

Bella was immediately rushed to the ER for surgery.

I was running beside her gurney the whole time until we got to the flapping doors that cut off the rest of the hospital from the emergency surgery room. A doctor stopped me there.

I've been pacing anxiously in the waiting room for the past three hours with no word of how Bella was doing. She could very well be dead right now and I was oblivious. I was continuously beating myself up over this.

I had left her when she so very badly needed me. I couldn't control my anger for a split second to comfort her and tell her I still loved her no matter what. I had just _killed_ my Bella, my princess, because I couldn't have stopped for one short second and uttered the three most easiest words in the world: _I love you._ Now I will never get another chance to tell her that... I won't get another chance to hold her... I won't get another chance to kiss her... I won't get the chance to get on one knee and ask her to marry me.

"Dr. Masen?"

My head snapped in the direction of the voice. Bella's doctor stood in the doorway of the waiting area. I quickly made my way over to him.

"How is she? Please tell me she's going to live." I asked, my anxiety level spiking once again.

He simply looked at me. "Come with me, please," he said, no emotions to give me the slightest clue of an answer, before turning and walking the other way.

I hurried to catch up with him. "She's gone, isn't she." I assumed.

"Not necessarily, Mr. Masen. I just have a few questions," he contradicted.

I sighed. "Alright,"

He had said 'not necessarily' right? That doesn't mean she's gone... but it could. Why must some doctors be so dramatic about all this stuff and not just get to the point- I'm never like that. No matter how hard the news is, I get straight to it and don't hesitate.

He looked down into a manilla folder he held. "Was Ms. Isabella ever suicidal, at all?" he began.

I inhaled sharply. "Not really..." I hedged, not sure if I should tell him about her one death wish.

"Did she ever attempt suicide?" he prodded.

That was more easier to answer. "Not that I know of... I am her adoptive father." I conceded.

He nodded his head. "Alright, do you know what made her attempt suicide?" he continued, still walking at a slightly brisk pace.

I gulped and hung my head in shame. "I did. She told me what happened to her and I left her room because I was so angry at the person and myself; she thought I didn't love her anymore." That made Dr. Kennedy halt.

He spun around to face me with a confused and alarmed expression. "_Love _her? You mean she was _in love _with you- her faster dad?"

I nodded my head. "I love her back- I'm _in love _with her."

He finally became suspicious. "You have no way of knowing that was the reason... you haven't been abusing her have you?" he accused.

I was taken aback. "I could never hurt that sweet angel- every other bastard that adopted her abused her, a boy from her school that she used to love abused her then raped her!" I shouted in outrage, fuming. "I love that girl, I hate myself for making her attempt suicide- I hate myself for allowing my anger at that damn boy to overpower me! If I had been able to keep my anger in check I wouldn't have had to leave her room so I didn't accidentally take out my anger on her! She thought I didn't love her because she thought herself to be tainted and dirty!" I yelled at the innocent doctor, my anger flooding from me.

Everyone had stopped to stare by the time I finished. The doctor still looked at me calmly.

"Well, I have no other choice but to believe you- after that. I guess I should tell you about Isabella now."

I held my breath.

**(A.N.) Review? Please?**

**P.S. Is it strange that I'm studying a college course in eighth grade? Not in school but teaching myself at home. I'm learning Psychology.**

**P.S.S. I wanna be a Psychiatrist when I grow up... you know, those people that other people come to talk about their problems.**

**Love,**

**Ms. White Christmas**


	13. Yea, Fruit

**A.N. A big thank you to everyone that read and reviewed!**

_I held my breath._

**CPOV**

Dr. Kennedy cleared his throat and remained standing where he'd stopped. "Isabella-" I cut him off.

"Bella, please," I murmured weakly. I was really trying to put off getting the horrid news, contemplating whether I really wanted to be confirmed that my princess was dead.

He looked at me, his eyes glinting in a knowing way. I knew he was thinking sympathetically over me and Bella- I hated it. "Bella," he corrected himself. "required extensive surgery to get all the glass out. We had to put her under in case she awoke the unconsciousness she acquired from the impact..." He paused for a second, I had yet to taken a breath.

The small pause dragged on for hours, my heart sped as the minutes ticked by.

"She has not come to." he concluded.

***

Weeks passed, Bella did not come out of her coma.

I remained by her side, hoping and praying with all my might that she would wake up. God didn't take mercy on me. She remained a complete vegetable. The only thing reminding me she was alive was the heart rate finder and the steady rise and fall of her chest. Even the smallest of twitches had my hope soaring, only to have it pummeled into the ground when she didn't open her eyes.

Her face wasn't marred that much by the glass, for she had not fallen through the window face first. The back of her head was where most of the damage was done- and basically the whole backside of her body. Luckily, most of the shards of glass were able to be pulled out- not luckily, her reason for being in a coma was the concussion she received.

I grew further depressed as the days dragged on. I hardly ate, my sleeping patterns were way off, my anxiety level remained unhealthily high. I hardly spoke anymore and I refused to work. Even my darling niece Alice could not bring me from my constant state of shock and depression- no matter how hard she tried.

***

A month, two days, and exactly two hours after I learned Bella had fallen into a coma, I finally fell off where I was set precariously on the tip of a knife.

I was simply, bleakly, staring at Bella's face, holding her hand, willing her eyes to flutter open, when grief finally caught up and my shock dissolved. Tears sprang to my eyes and I wept for the first time since I saw Bella jump through that window.

I was so stupid, so carelessly stupid. My self-loathing intensified as I realized, yet again, how very much of this was totally and completely, one-hundred percent _all my fault._

I dropped my head wearily to the bed, still clutching Bella's near-lifeless hand.

I didn't even notice a stirring on the bed, I had thought it was my own trembling body that was causing that. I didn't hear Bella groan as she recovered from her coma.

I froze, immediately my tears lessened, when I felt a small, fragile hand weakly run through my hair. I shifted my head slightly, just so I could peak over my arms, afraid that if I lifted my head her hand would fall away.

She was gazing solemnly, curiously, at me, her hand still combed gently through my hair. "Don't cry, Carlisle," she murmured simply. And then, "You don't have to worry anymore."

From the way she said it, it sounded like a dismissal. I could tell what she really meant to say: _I'm not worth your tears. I'm sorry I wasted so much of your time, please move on._

I immediately grabbed her gently into my embrace and pecked her face with gentle, sweet kisses. "Oh, Bella," I kept repeating between every few kisses. I pulled back once I tasted saltwater.

Tears were running down Bella's face, her sweet, chocolate eyes clouded with sadness and confusion... and love.

I realized I was crying once again. "I love you so much, my Bella. This was all one big misunderstanding and you're going to be ok, I promise... oh, I love you so much. I'm so sorry."

Bella was shaking her head, her tears leaving a trail on her beautiful face. "I-I'm sorry, Carlisle. I made you worry and made you feel obligated to stay with me." she whispered so quietly I almost didn't hear her.

Her words felt like a sharp stab to my already torn and tattered heart. "No... no, Princess, I love you and only you. I could never leave you, love." I took in a few short, ragged breaths. "I can't even... _begin_... to explain how sorry I am for making you believe I didn't love you anymore."

Bella was silent for a long while- it was probably only a minute or two but it felt like hours. Nothing showed on her face- it remained emotionless. Her tears did cease and I took that as a good sign. She opened her mouth then closed it, a look of uncertainty on her face. She opened it and this time words came out, "You... still love me?" she asked incredulously.

"I never stopped. Nothing could make me not love you." I spoke softly and sincerely before taking her face gently in my hands. Softly, I pressed my lips to hers.

Hesitantly, still uncertain, she moved her lips along with mine. She wrapped her hand around the back of my neck, pulling me closer.

She pulled back and I rested my forehead lightly against hers. "I'm sorry I made you worry," I was about to tell her not to apologize but she pressed her fingers to my lips. "It just... hurt so much when I thought you'd left." she finished with a shaky, humorless, slightly hysterical laugh.

I slumped back into the chair beside her bed, still holding her hand, and launched into my story. I told her how I felt when she told me what had happened and why I had left her. "I... I knew for certain you would get hurt by my rage so I had to leave." I finished.

She looked up into my eyes- a million question raged in the depths of her chocolate brown eyes. "What are we going to do now?" she asked quietly.

"You," I turned when I heard someone's voice. I saw Dr. Kennedy standing in the doorway. "are going to get better, first of all." He smiled kindly at her.

No argument there.

He walked farther into the room and stood on Bella's other side. "It's good to see you out of that coma, how are you feeling?" His eyes flashed quickly to me.

She almost smiled. "Pretty good," she murmured shyly.

Knowing her as well as I did, I saw through her facade. I saw the fear set deep in her eyes, underneath layer after layer of coverup, lay uncontrollable fear.

He smiled at her. "Good to hear,"

Her stomach growled and she flushed red.

He chuckled lightly. "You must be hungry."

She flushed a darker red. "I'm fine," she whispered quietly.

I instantly grew further worried, she was reverting back to her old ways. I rubbed her shoulder reassuringly. "It's alright, I'll get you some fruit." I offered her before the doctor could say anything.

She looked over at me, wary, but nodded. "Yea, fruit," she agreed quietly, seemingly ashamed now.

I smiled encouragingly, squeezed her shoulder gently, before getting up and making my way from the room to the hospital cafeteria.

**(A.N.) I hope your still liking it! Please tell me what you think! I also updated I Deserve It because quitting it made me feel like a quitter! So, if you want, go check it out and see what happens on game night!**

**Love,**

**Ms. White Christmas**


	14. When Can She Start?

**A.N. Big thanks to everyone that reviewed!**

**If thy doesn't own'th, thou can't sue'th.**

_I smiled encouragingly, squeezed her shoulder gently, before getting up and making my way from the room to the hospital cafeteria._

**BPOV**

In a rush, like a calm stream suddenly crashing downwards over the edge of a cliff, feeling flooded through my body. It began at the very top of my head then continued downstream till it reached the tips of my toes. My eyes fluttered open and I groaned as conscious life overwhelmed my body.

The first thing I heard was a low sob. I looked about, trying to find where the noise was coming from. My eyes landed on Carlisle.

His head lay on his arms, one hand held mine. His whole body was trembling with the sobs, shaking the bed.

My heart broke slightly more than it already was. I gently ran my fingers through his soft, golden locks, massaging his scalp.

He froze beneath my touch, contemplated something, then peeked over his arms at me. He gazed at me, shocked.

I gazed back at him, wondering why he was here. I then realized he was just so kind and caring that he blamed himself for my suicide attempt. "Don't cry, Carlisle," I murmured quietly, wanting to tell him it was ok to leave. "You don't have to worry anymore."

I knew he would get what I meant. He seemed shocked by my words and perhaps, if I'm not mistaken, a bit hurt. He suddenly embraced me in his loving embrace and showered my face with sweet kisses.

"Oh, Bella," he murmured between every few kisses.

I was shocked and confused. I was also content and filled with so much love. I loved to be in his arms and loved having him close to me. It wasn't making any sense. I began to cry soundless tears and he pulled back ever-so-slightly.

He was crying also. "I love you so much, my Bella. This was all one big misunderstanding and you're going to be ok, I promise... oh, I love you so much. I'm so sorry."

I started shaking my head back and forth. He was only doing this out of pity and self-blame. He couldn't still love me. "I-I'm sorry, Carlisle. I made you worry and made you feel obligated to stay with me." My voice trembled.

A pained expression entered his beautiful face and my heart broke a bit more. "No... no, Princess, I love you and only you. I could never leave you, love." He paused to breath in a short, broken breath. "I can't even... _begin_... to explain how sorry I am for making you believe I didn't love you anymore."

I couldn't form a coherent thought, much less any words. I couldn't believe he could just forgive me for allowing that to happen to me. I couldn't even _begin _to comprehend why he still wanted to be with me even after I had become even further broken. Just to add on top of the pile of long things I've done not to deserve him, I lied to him- I didn't tell him what had happened because I was so very selfish. Another one to add on to the list! I am completely and undeniably selfish. What the hell is wrong with me? I haven't the slightest clue.

My mouth opened, words bubbled on my lips, but they didn't come out. I tried again, "You... still love me?"

"I never stopped. Nothing could make me not love you," he murmured so sincerely. Then, he cupped my face in his loving, gentle hands that have saved so many lives before and he kissed me.

Love flowed from his lips to mine in a jolt of lightning. I was shocked, but his gentleness calmed me and reassured me. I moved my lips with his and interlocked my fingers behind his neck, pulling him closer to me, wanting more of him.

He rested his head against mine after pulling back.

"I'm sorry I made you worry." I pressed my finger to his lips when I saw he was about to argue. "It just... hurt so much when I thought you'd left." I laughed- short, hysterical, and humorless.

He slumped back into his chair, guilt clear on his face, still holding my hand. "Bella, when you told me that..." He paused. "When you told me what he did to you... I was shocked for a moment, then I was angry. Angry at him, Bella- not you." He looked at me, thoughtful. "I was... so angry, I was sure to blow any second there. I didn't want you to be in my 'line of fire', so to speak." He grinned sadly before turning serious again. "I... I knew for certain you would get hurt by my rage... so I had to leave."

A million questions ran through my head, but only one stood out. "What are we going to do now?"

"You," I looked over Carlisle's shoulder to see Dr. Kennedy standing in the doorway. "are going to get better, first of all." He smiled kindly.

Sounds good to me.

He came in and stood beside me- a bit too close for my comfort. "It's good to see you out of that coma, how are you feeling?" Did Carlisle notice the doctor's eyes flash to him?

I resisted the urge to run, even though he is a doctor. I kept the fear from my face and attempted a smile. "Pretty good," I murmured quietly.

He smiled encouragingly. "Good to hear."

My stomach suddenly and without warning growled like an attacking Grizzly bear. I felt my cheeks warm with a blush and felt nervous all of a sudden. I really hoped he wouldn't be mad that I was hungry. Déjà vu crept up on me.

He chuckled. "You must be hungry."

His laugh didn't make me feel any better. "I'm fine," I whispered nervously.

Carlisle gently grasped my shoulder and rubbed it soothingly. "It's alright, I'll get you some fruit," he offered gently, worriedly.

Crap, I was going back to the way I used to be. Déjà vu made itself more prominent. "Yea, fruit," I agreed shamefully.

He smiled at me, squeezed my shoulder, and made his way to the exit.

I watched him leave until he was out the door before turning to Dr. Kennedy. I still felt a small amount of fear, especially now, away from Carlisle, but I forced it away- he was a doctor for crying out loud! "How... how long was I out?" I asked timidly.

He thought a moment. "About a month," he admitted.

My breath left in me in a whoosh like someone had kicked my stomach. "That _long_?" I asked incredulously.

He nodded. "You had a very bad concussion, Bella- your body needed time to heal."

I wondered idly if I'd ever heal back completely- my heart, that is.

***

Absentmindedly, I trailed the rim of my Diet Coke with the tip of my pointer finger, thinking, as Carlisle watched me. He sat across from me in the eating area at the hospital.

The past few days in this hospital have really got me thinking a lot. Mostly I've been thinking about getting better. I thought about a therapist but it truly frightened me, the thought of telling some stranger my problems. Though that's exactly what I'd done with Carlisle, he was different, I love him and trust him. Well, that's reason enough to get help.

"Carlisle," I spoke up cautiously.

He looked at me curiously, his mouth so full and a lettuce leaf hung out.

I giggled and pretended to wipe something from my mouth, looking pointedly at the leaf. "You got something..." I picked up a napkin and wiped it away for him.

He chuckled. "Thanks, love."

"Now... I've been... thinking," I started, nervously tugging at a hair that had loosened itself from my ponytail. "About... getting help." I looked intently at a freckle on the table.

He was silent for a moment. "Really?" he asked, relief drenching the single word.

I looked up at him to see a humongous smile taking up most of his face- it looked like it hurt. I nodded cautiously, taking in his demeanor.

"That's... that's fantastic, Bella! I even know that perfect person." He truly sounded like he wanted me to get help.

I'm sure I visibly relaxed. I was absolutely sure this would just sound like an admittance to how fucked up I was. Even if it is true, I felt like a coward admitting it. "When can she start?"

**(A.N.) Sorry, I know it's kind of short and kind of crappy but I did my best- I swear I did! This was kind of just a filler chapter so the next will be longer and better!**

**Please review!**

**Love,**

**Ms. White Christmas**


	15. Well, That Went Somewhat Well

**A.N. Alright, I guess I can try doing another chapter... but I'm not sure its going to turn out very good.**

**Also, sorry if there are any spelling mistakes, I was too lazy to check it over.**

**If thy doesn't own'th, thou can't sue'th.**

_I'm sure I visibly relaxed. I was absolutely sure this would just sound like an admittance to how fucked up I was. Even if it is true, I felt like a coward admitting it. "When can she start?"_

**BPOV**

I wrung my wrists nervously- probably hard enough to leave marks- and starred intently down where they rest in my lap. "Where should I start?" I didn't look up to meet Irina's eyes that I felt looking at me softly, not pressuring me at all.

I was actually in one of those conference room-like things- in Irina Denali's Counseling Clinic. Carlisle said she was the best, so I'm giving her a shot. Thing is, I'm nervous as all hell.

"How about you tell me your name?" she suggested, shifting a bit in her cushion-y, living room chair to make herself comfortable, her pad and pen in her lap.

I stayed rigid in my seat, looking down- probably a very pitiful sight. "Bella," I squeaked.

She thought a moment. "Is that a nickname?"

I nodded. "I kind of gave it to myself," I murmured, glancing at her purple, ballet flats. "My full name is Isabella."

She scratched something down.

"You aren't... you aren't going to tell Carlisle.... any of the stuff we talk about in here... right?" I asked uncertainly, my sentence broken by my nervousness.

"Of course, Bella. Nothing that you say in here leaves this room," she promised in a sweet, kind voice.

I sighed in relief and relaxed a tiny bit.

The next question I was not expecting. "What do you like to do for fun?" she asked curiously.

I snorted, looking up at her for the first time, a slow, sad smile creeping onto my face. "Besides getting beat around by supposed "foster dads"... hm, I don't know- cooking for them, maybe?" I spat sarcastically.

She smiled sadly and shook her head. "That's not what I was talking about," she told me quietly.

I guess my agitated, sarcastic attitude decided to make an unexpected appearance. "What else do you expect me to be doing? Hanging out with friends? Pssh." I snorted. "I own nothing, I'm an orphan that everyone just wants a piece of. What, do I have "Punch me" written on my forehead or something? No? What about "Use me" or perhaps "Abuse me"?" I stood up, fuming, nowhere close to tears as I usual would be.

Irina simply gazed at me, calm and unnerved. I didn't like it for some reason.

"And it wasn't _just _my foster dads- my ex-boyfriend just had to get in on the fun too. Why don't we just invite the entire world's population of men to come and join a new game? It's called Beat Bella Shitless." I was growling low in my throat by then. "Doesn't that just sound like a fuck-load of fun?" I spat sarcastically, shaking with anger, my hands clutched at my side, scowling at Irina who know looked a bit scared. I smiled triumphantly before I even realized what was going on.

I had just yelled at an innocent person- and I'd been _trying _to frighten her. I immediately felt horrible and perhaps a bit scared of myself.

Horrified, I backed up and bumped hard into the wall. I winced when my still healing scars got bumped uncomfortably. I stared at Irina, speechless.

"I-I'm sorry," I forced out, all breath gone from my lungs.

Irina regained her composure and smiled knowingly at me. "It's fine, Bella. I'm sure you have all this built up inside you and this is the only way you know of getting it out," she spoke soothingly and reached out to pat the couch I had vacated.

Reluctantly, I took my seat again, letting my feet sit flat on the floor. I looked at the ground. "I like to sing," I said quietly.

I could almost hear her smiling. "Can I hear you?"

I shrugged. "I'm better with some music but I could do without." I'd never let anyone hear me sing but the prospect of some input would be pretty nice. I stood so I could get better vocal range.

"Don't tell me,  
You're done for.  
I don't need to hear,  
You're done for.  
You can tell me what you are running from.  
I need you,  
More than you need you.  
I can see you're really really running.  
May I ask you where you gonna run to?  
And you think you're really, really funny,  
Well I don't think you're funny, as you do.  
We all feel like we're breaking sometime.  
I won't let you go tonight.

Stay awake,  
Stay awake survive.  
I've got nineteen stars that I,  
Gave your name,  
Tonight.  
I wanna scream,  
Wanna scream your name.  
Star light, star bright, can save,  
You're my wish tonight.

Don't tell me, it doesn't matter  
I'll tell you,  
What matters.  
Bare feet in the summer,  
Open windows at night.  
You think that no one needs you,  
You have nothing to see through.  
Well I need you.  
Don't I count?  
Lets fight.  
Show me anger.  
Fierce fists clutching onto air  
Show me anything  
Just show me you care  
Stay awake,  
Stay awake survive.  
I've got nineteen stars that I,  
Gave your name,  
Tonight.  
I wanna scream,  
Wanna scream your name.  
Star light, star bright, can save.  
You're my wish tonight.

No one can catch me,  
The way that you catch me.  
The way that you keep me when I'm out of time.  
What if I need you?  
When I can't see you?  
And I'm running out of life.

Please...

Stay awake, stay awake, survive,  
I've got nineteen stars that I.  
Stay awake, stay awake, survive,  
Stay awake, stay awake, survive,

I wanna scream,  
Wanna scream your name.  
Starlight, my life can save.  
You're my wish, oh, you're my wish and I'm sad,  
You're my wish tonight." I looked at her curiously, waiting to hear that I sounded like something dieing.

"Wow... Bella- that was... wow." She was speechless. I'd just made someone speechless with my singing!

I grinned sheepishly, a small blush tinting my cheeks. "Thanks."

She smiled warmly. "Did you write that?" she asked curiously.

"Yep." I sat back down.

She glanced absentmindedly to the clock over the door and stood. "Well, it's been nice talking to you. I'll see you next week." She held out her hand.

I took it and pulled her into a hug. I really liked her.

She seemed startled but gently hugged me back.

"Thanks," I whispered to her before backing out of the hug.

She smiled at my gratitude. "Your welcome."

I smiled one last time before leaving her office. I felt perhaps a bit better than I did when I first went entered this door.

Carlisle immediately stood when I entered the waiting room. He walked over to me and immediately enveloped me in his warm, comforting embrace.

"How'd it go?" he asked, still hugging me.

I grinned. "Pretty good." I kissed his cheek before taking his hand and walking outside where the sun was just setting. We got in and Carlisle turned towards me, looking like he was about to say something. I looked back at him, expectant.

He flashed me a beautiful smile. "I heard you singing."

I felt my face get hot. "You did?" I asked self-consciously.

He nodded. "Your voice is absolutely beautiful," he murmured in awe.

I then began to sing.

"I walk a lonely road  
The only one that I have ever known  
Don't know where it goes  
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street  
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams  
Where the city sleeps  
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone  
I walk alone

I walk alone  
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,  
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line  
That divides me somewhere in my mind  
On the border line  
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines  
What's fucked up and everything's alright  
Check my vital signs  
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone  
I walk alone

I walk alone  
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah  
Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I walk alone  
I walk a...

I walk this empty street  
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams  
Where the city sleeps  
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
'Til then I walk alone..."

He seemed transfixed by my voice, his mouth was agape slightly.

I giggled and lightly touched his cheek with the tips of my fingers, coaxing his face closer, and kissed him. It was soft and sweet and slow, just like I wanted. I lightly put a hand on his chest.

I smiled against his lips when we pulled apart. "I love you, Carlisle."

"I love you, too, sweet princess."

**(A.N.) And it was... good? Bad? Terrible? I shouldn't have tried it was so horrible? Let me know... I think I can handle it.**

**Oh yea! I have a new story up: _Skater Chick To Dater Chick_. Check it out if you want!**

**Love,**

**Ms. White Christmas**


	16. My First Kiss

**A.N. I'm sooo sorry! I haven't updated in _forever_! I kind of made this chapter long to try and make up for it... Exams and studying... and just life in general has been keeping me on my toes. But, its summer now and I should have more time to write.**

**If thy doesn't own'th, thou can't sue'th.**

_I smiled against his lips when we pulled apart. "I love you, Carlisle."_

"_I love you, too, sweet princess."_

**CPOV**

I nervously rubbed my slightly sweaty palms up and down my face in frustration. Why couldn't I just do this? I love her and know she loves me back and I can completely be myself with her and she can completely be herself with me. I can talk to her about anything and she can talk to me about anything. All this and I was still so fucking nervous about asking her on a date.

I felt terrible that we'd already kissed probably numerous times and said we loved each other and I'd yet to taken her on a proper date. I was raised to be a gentleman and the way I was treating her just seemed so ungentlemanly. I wanted her to have the man she deserved and I was not fitting the bill just right- by my standards at least.

Of course, her being so selfless, she was saying nothing about it but I knew she really wanted a boyfriend that would take her places and such. I also knew she wanted a boyfriend that was younger which kind of saddened me and disgusted me just a bit. She was a seventeen-year-old, innocent, pained girl and I was a sick, love-struck, twenty-four-year-old man.

Sadly, none of this deteriorated my love for her.

I would willingly go out of my way to do anything for her. And, if it was what she wanted, I would just be her foster dad. I would encase every girlfriend-loving feeling I ever had and replace it with a dad-loving feeling for her. If she suddenly thought that this love was gross and sick and disgusting and she hated me- well, I don't know what I'd do. I definitely wouldn't send her back to that orphanage- no, over my dead body. I would probably just stay out of her way and take care of her from afar.

The thought of any of this happening tore my heart into pieces. But I'd hurt myself to not hurt her.

_But you'd be a depressed ass for the rest of your life._

But I'd find myself a new girlfriend.

_But you'd never love her like you love Bella._

It wouldn't matter because she wouldn't be disgusted by me anymore.

_She loves you._

Bella decided to make an appearance and completely ruin my train of thought and shut down my mini argument with myself. She looked stunning as ever with her now sopping wet, mahogany locks sticking to her head and hanging limply in clots. Her hair looked darker than it's usual light brown from the water of her shower.

The simple thought of her naked in the shower made me want much more than to just kiss her. And I hated that because I didn't just want to jump her bones when she was in such a fragile state. She would hate me and I'd probably scare her, reminding her of all those men that had forced her to do things she didn't want.

She had a towel wrapped around herself, just above her breasts. She was still dripping some water and steam followed her out of the bathroom. The only reason I saw her was that I sat at the couch in the living room with a view of the hallway and she was making her way swiftly to her room to put on some clothes.

All I wanted right now was to kiss her and tell her how much I loved her.

I slowly, fluidly rose from my place on the couch and walked down the hallway. Bella disappeared into her room, unaware that I was following her. I stopped outside her door and leaned against the wall.

She came out a few seconds later. She wore a knee-length, intricately designed, yellow skirt that hugged her hips nicely; a brown, stringy belt with shells strung into the many strings helped to show off her curvy hips as well; an orange and yellow, tie die shirt hung loosely on her upper body; and white, ballet flats adorned her soft, creamy-looking, pale feet. Her brown hair that I worshiped hung loosely around her face, almost dry. In my opinion, she looked like a hippie. I really liked the look on her.

"Morning, gorgeous," I murmured in awe, grinning down at her.

She jumped, turning to look at me, her hand lightly hanging over her heart.

I realized just then that she wore some light makeup. Her eyelids had some soft pink eyeshadow and her eyelashes had a bit of mascara on.

A smile immediately graced her beautiful face as she looked a bit timidly up at me. "Good morning, Carlisle," she returned in a voice just below normal standards for speaking. She moved a stray piece of hair behind her ear but it fell back out.

I gently grazed my hand across her cheek and took the strand between my fingers before pushing it back behind her small, satin ear, tucking it in so it would stay. I grinned at her, noticing the slight flush in her cheeks. "I must say, you do look absolutely beautiful today," I murmured in appreciation, taking her hip in one of my arms, pulling her closer.

Her blush deepened but her smile widened. She shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant. "I tried," she murmured.

I chuckled and lightly kissed one inflamed cheek. "You succeeded." I gently moved to kiss the corner of her lips.

She shivered beneath my touch and reached up to wrap her arms around my neck. She seemed to hesitate, unsure and I guessed she still wasn't too confident with herself.

I moved my lips to softly kiss hers. She moved her lips along mine, following my lead, still a tiny bit hesitant but willing.

After a minute of softly kissing her plump, pink lips, I pulled back, remembering my mission. It was now or never. I felt my nervousness build up as she reopened her eyes.

I took her hand in mine, entwining my fingers with hers. "Bella?" I began nervously.

She quirked an eyebrow, looking at me questioningly.

I breathed in deeply, wondering why I felt like the teenage girl making a move on her secret crush. Her closeness wasn't helping my train of thought in the least.

"Bella." I breathed a deep, shaky breath.

She bit her lip, amusement flaring in her eyes. She stopped even closer. "Yes, Carlisle?" she breathed sexily, whether it was intended or not.

My heart beat heavily in my chest. "Um... do you, uh, do you want to um... go out to... eat food?" I stuttered nervously and nearly smacked my forehead with my hand.

She smirked up at me. "Is that Geek talk for: will you go out with me?" she asked with a small giggle.

I nodded sheepishly, my heart beating frantically against my rib cage.

She lightly stroked my cheek, smiling a very sweet, knowing smile. "Hun, why are you so nervous?" she asked in her sweet, angelic voice. "I'm always going to say yes."

I sighed in relief and lightly kissed her smooth, kissable lips. "I guess because you always have a choice." I looked earnestly into her eyes. "You can always say no, I'm not going to force anything on you."

She smiled and a knowing look came into her eyes, like she could read my mind. "I'll always love you, Carlisle. No matter how you picture my so called "perfect boyfriend" it won't be the same because it won't be _you_." She pointed her finger, pressing it lightly into my chest. "I love you, for your flaws and all."

I looked at her skeptically. "Are you sure you can't read minds?" I asked, jokingly wary.

She laughed and rolled her eyes. "No, I just know you." She got a sly look in her lively brown eyes. She came closer to me, lightly trailing her fingers up and down my chest. "Hold on just a sec," she said quickly, pressing her palms to my chest before turning away from me and racing down the hall, to the living room and hanging a sharp left.

I mourned the loss of her closeness and contact but curiously followed after her more slowly. I entered the living room to see Bella standing in front of my iHome, probably looking through the songs on my iPod. I walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her waist.

"Looking for a song?" I whispered into her ear. "Are you going to sing for me?" I asked hopefully.

She turned with the same sly look in her eyes. "Well... I was hoping maybe you'd sing to me," she suggested hopefully.

I raised an eyebrow at her, shocked. "I'm not a great-" I was cut off my her finger lightly pressed against my lips.

"Please?" she asked with puppy dog eyes that I just couldn't say no to.

I smiled down at her, thinking of the perfect song and hoping she'd sing Ke$ha's part along with me in My First Kiss. "Do you know," I moved around her to put my iPod on the song. "this song?" I asked her as the opening music started.

She smirked and nodded.

"Sing with me," I murmured as I pulled her close then attempted singing. "My first kiss went a little like this," I sang softly along with 3Oh!3's part and kissed her lips. "And twist." I twisted my head to kiss her again and again. "And twist."

She smiled and began her part. "Well my first kiss went a little like this," she sang along with Ke$ha's part and kissed me. "And twist." She twisted her lead to kiss me two more times. "And twist."

I smirked as I began to sing the first verse. "I said no more teachers and no more books. I got a kiss under the bleachers hoping that nobody looks." I paused to quickly swipe my tongue across her lips. "Lips like liquorish, tongue like candy." Softly, I stuck a finger just below the waist of her skirt and she gasped in surprise but didn't stop me. "Excuse me miss but can I get you out your panties?" I sang, trailing a finger along the band of her panties.

She slapped my arm playfully and tried to pull back but I kept her close. I was really beginning to like my song choice. "In the back of the car, on the way to the bar. I got you on my list." I softly sang the last line again. "At the foot of the stairs," I paused to weave my fingers into her beautiful hair. "With my fingers in your hair. Baby, this is it."

"She won't ever get enough once she gets a little touch." I grinned cockily just thinking about the lyrics, moving a hand back down to slide into her skirt again, asking her with my eyes if this was alright.

She nodded, lust in her beautiful eyes, and I continued exploring and began to sing the chorus.

"If I had it my way, you know that I'd make her say." I continued to gently run my fingers over the smooth skin of her waist and down to lightly touch her underwear. "Oooooh," I continued to sing, trying to not make myself sound weird. "Oooooh."

I repeated the chorus and then let her take over. "Well my first kiss went a little like this," she began and kissed me hard, letting her lust flow from her to me and I felt myself grow hard. She pulled back and I let her continue through my part. "I said no more sailors and no more soldiers. With your name in a heart, tattooed up on the shoulders." She brought me in to kiss me again, this time swiping her tongue cautiously against my lips, tasting it. "Your kiss is like whiskey, it gets me drunk." She sucked one lip gently into her mouth. "And I wake up in the morning with the taste of your tongue." She quickly stuck her tongue into my mouth.

I moaned as her tongue licked over mine and I just couldn't continue singing. I kept her close to me, our tongues fighting each other, my hand still exploring her below the waistband of her skirt.

She moaned deeply as we broke off for air when I simply stuck a finger into her panties. She was breathing so hard I actually worried for a moment that she might be hyperventilating but knew better and continued to kiss down her neck.

I pulled back suddenly and she groaned in frustration. I wanted to go on a date with her before going too far- and putting myself in the face of temptation wasn't helping my self control. I placed one more soft kiss to her lips and simply held her close.

She caught her breath and smile up at me. "Wow... Carlisle, your voice... you can definitely sing," she said in awe, tripping over her words, trying to find the right thing to say.

I chuckled and shrugged. "Now... about that date- I have the perfect place in mind. Are you ready to go?" I inquired.

She nodded. "Yeah, just give me a minute." She rushed back to her room and I grabbed my wallet and keys, wondering what had just happened.

I had never believed that, this soon, she'd let me go that far. Maybe I'd imagined her consent? I wonder if I'd crossed a boundary. I really hope I had not because that felt great and right, being so close to her and intimate. It felt like my whole body was on fire and continuously got shocked by simply the feel of her soft, creamy skin.

Small arms wrapped around my waist and one hand ventured dangerously close to where my cock still strained against my pants. I hissed quietly as her hand ghosted over it, just barely making contact.

"Ok, now I'm ready to go," she whispered in a very sexy voice as she drew back and I groaned at the loss. I could almost hear the smirk in her voice.

I turned around to face Bella and wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her close and my erection hit her stomach. "You little vixen," I said affectionately.

She shrugged, her smirk growing. "Payback."

I scoffed, feigning hurt. "So you didn't like what I did? It required getting back at me for doing it?" I asked, letting hurt show in my voice, playing it on too thick so she'd hopefully see I was kidding.

She looked shocked and shameful and I immediately regretted playing with her. She was still too fragile for sarcasm. "No, no, no. I-I'm sorry, Carlisle. I-" I cut her off, saddened that she looked on the verge of tears and I'd made her that way.

"No, no, sweet princess. I didn't mean it that way, I was only joking around. _I'm _sorry," I quickly amended, rubbing her back gently.

She softly took my shirt into her weak fist. "Aren't you getting tired of this?" she asked quietly and weakly. "Shouldn't you be... running for the hills, so to speak, as any man would?"

I quickly shook my head. "I'd never run from you," I murmured softly. I took her hand in mine, entwining our fingers together. "Now, lets go have some fun." I smiled softly down at her.

She kissed my cheek. "Yeah, fun," she agreed thoughtfully.

**(A.N.) So... was it any good? I love that song- My First Kiss by 3Oh!3 featuring Ke$ha(lol... just look at their names). Please tell me what you thought in a review!**

**Love,**

**Ms. White Christmas**


End file.
